Our lives are totally planned – down to the very last exhausting moments
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
ROUTINE is the bedrock of our daily existence with the twins. At any given moment, you know where you should be, what you should be doing and who with.
No one is responsible for the schedule – it’s evolved over time, convenience and the screaming demands of the children.
Naturally, Covid restrictions and the fact we only have ourselves has had an impact but spontaneity and toddlers are not a comfortable match. Whatever the reasons, this is a typical Saturday in our life with the twins:
7.15am: Thomas and Emma
noisily awake, so I wrangle them down to breakfast, so Victoria can get ready (lie in bed reading). 7.45am: Twins ‘help’ me to empty the dishwasher and I take Victoria a cup of tea and update her on their general demeanour.
8.15am: Victoria leaves suitable clothing at the bottom of the stairs for me to dress them, on the basis I struggle to differentiate who wears what and what goes with whatever because ‘I’m a man’.
8.30am: I prepare the twins for the day in a flurry of toothpaste and wet wipes while entertaining them, mostly with a bouncing ball or pretending to be a monster. 9.30am: A well-rested Victoria glides down the stairs to inspect the twins who are now dressed, fed and ready to go. This gives me time to wash, dress and prepare sandwiches the twins will ignore because they’ll eat crisps then demand cake.
10:30am: We climb into the car for a very ‘local’ day amidst greenery to not meet anybody. 12:30pm: Picnic on a bench seat in memory of someone who loved the location but is no longer with us, which has been a lifesaver for us, if not the deceased. Although, when I go, I want a memorial picnic table so future generations will have somewhere for their drinks. 2pm: Takeaway tea and cake/ scone with juice for twins from a
kiosk with an inordinately long socially distanced queue.
3pm: Home for a snack in which I take full control of the twins, while Victoria completes household chores. 4pm: Victoria takes the helm of the good ship twin while I empty the dishwasher again and involve myself in cleaning or washing. 5pm: Victoria prepares twins’ dinner while I tackle the bins.
6pm: Bath time followed by Victoria reading a book about a hairy toe to them, while I rustle up a spectacular culinary feast within 45 minutes, as well as load/empty the dishwasher. 7.30-10pm: It’s our time during which anything is possible as long as it involves lounging in front of the television, gazing at phone screens and going to bed at about 10ish.
Presumably, this carefully honed timetable will end but we’re sticking with it until the rules change, the twins aren’t happy, or we can afford a bigger dishwasher because until I wrote this, I had no idea of my workload.