Magic saved our sex life
A ‘divine orgasm’ helped me heal my body
S miling up at my boyfriend Charlie* as we made love, I felt the usual waves of pleasure building up. But then something very different happened. I felt a whooshing sensation, as the air started pulsating against me. I had an intense orgasm that seemed to come, not from inside me, but like a rush of pleasure that had entered my body through the air.
‘Wow, that was something else,’ I told Charlie afterwards. ‘It felt like an orgasm from God!’
I meant it in a tongue-in-cheek way – I was spiritual but didn’t believe in God, exactly. I certainly didn’t think the Christian God had been in the room with me, or the god of any religion I recognised, for that matter!
But something had been there. Something divine.
That’s what had really caught me off-guard about my experience - the sense that there was some kind of real physical presence ‘in the air.’ Although I’d been joking about the orgasm coming from God, the truth was, that really was exactly what it had felt like!
For the rest of the day, I felt lightheaded, and in an altered state, almost as if I’d taken drugs. The feeling lasted for the rest of the day. I couldn’t understand what had happened to me.
Tantricsex
I’d met Charlie through his flatmate, our mutual friend, Sam*. Like me, Sam loved meditation and all things spiritual. We were like-minded souls, so I didn’t feel shy about telling him what had happened with Charlie.
‘You know what’s really weird,’ I told him thoughtfully. ‘It’s how we say “oh God,” at the moment of orgasm, and it literally felt like God!’
Sam got out a book he owned called The Multi-orgasmic Couple by Mantak and Maneewan Chia and Douglas Abrams.
‘This book is about ancient Taoist sexual practices,’ he explained. ‘Taoists viewed sex as a spiritual activity that could improve their health and longevity. They knew that the sexual and spiritual were interconnected. You should read it, Kate.’
As I flicked through the book, things began making sense to me. The book described how to cultivate your chi, and have orgasmic states of pleasure that would last for hours.
I’d practised Tai Chi for a few years, and my teacher had explained to me about chi. It’s the life force that flows through our body. It’s also our sexual energy.
I’d always had this sense that there was something ‘more’ to sex but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Now I understood - it could be a portal to another world!
Eager to learn more, I began researching sex magic and Tantra. I found it fascinating.
The relationship between me and Charlie fizzled out. I moved to Scotland where I met my now-
Taoists view sex as a spiritual activity
spouse, Toni.
It was wonderful to be in a steady relationship with someone to whom I was so deeply attracted. Every time we made love, I was conscious of a slight sense of altered state. It was nothing like the ‘orgasm from God’ moment but it proved to me that sexuality was deeply entwined with spirituality.
Shockdiagnosis
Then, suddenly, everything changed. I was diagnosed with abnormal cells on my cervix and had a procedure called LLETZ to remove them.
‘It’s a safe, minor procedure, so no need to worry,’ the doctor reassured me.
Nothing was said about any side effects. But when I’d recovered and Toni and I tried to make love, I almost screamed with pain.
I went back to the doctor, who said the situation would probably improve with time – but it didn’t.
Not only was making love painful, but I didn’t even want to try. I’d lost my sex drive, too. As for orgasms - they were the last thing on my mind.
Devastated, I struggled to understand how this could have happened without warning. Sex had been such a meaningful, joyful part of my marriage. It couldn’t be gone forever…could it?
One day, I was browsing through my bookshelves when I found my old books on sex magic and Tantra. Something sparked inside me. What if Tantra and Taoisim could help me heal? I picked up the books and started reading again.
Toni and I went to a Tantra workshop where we tried out a massage that had been demonstrated by the instructors. The slow massage called ‘Five Kinds of Touch’ allowed my body to enjoy sensual touch, with no pressure or expectation.
As Toni and I touched each other, I could feel the long-forgotten sensation of desire returning to me. It wasn’t explicitly sexual – we just ran our hands around the outlines of each other’s bodies using different kinds of gentle touch. But this kind of slow eroticism got us so heated up that a lightbulb spontaneously smashed!
Healinghelp
Over the next few years, Toni and I moved abroad and I became a mother. When I could, I took online classes, and read books, and tried to figure out what I needed to do help my body heal.
I discovered that the cervix itself is a sexual, orgasmic organ. It has more nerves in it than the clitoris - so it’s no wonder that removing part of it during the LLETZ procedure had such a profound effect on my sexuality.
I took an online course called ‘Self-cervix’ which is specifically designed to help women heal from trauma or invasive medical procedures, and to discover the intense power of cervical orgasms. It really helped - although part of me will always mourn the loss of the easy carefree sex life I had when I was younger. Perhaps things would have been different if the doctors had warned me of the potential dangers of the LLETZ procedure.
But the spiritual part of me feels like this was my destiny. I had an amazing experience, an ‘orgasm from God,’ that allowed me to glimpse another world. It was the memory of this experience that stopped me from give up hope after my injury.
Pain during sex and loss of libido can put a lot of pressure on relationships. I was lucky that Toni was hugely supportive, and we were able to get through the problem together, but some women aren’t so fortunate.
That’s why I run a support group on Facebook called ‘Healing From LLETZ,’ for other women who’ve been harmed by the procedure and are trying rebuild their sex lives.
I want to spread the message to the world that, though healing and spirituality, we can mend our bodies and souls and reconnect to the Universe.
After all, I’m the living proof!
The memory of the ‘divine orgasm’ gave me hope