Tragedy behind my body
Losing my sister was the wake-up call I needed
Slumping on the sofa after school, my older sister Clare knew how to cheer me up.
‘Here you go,’ she said, passing me a family-size packet of choccie biscuits. Together we scoffed the lot. We were both overweight, but Clare was bigger and got bullied. I was her shoulder to cry on.
‘The diet starts tomorrow,’ we agreed, before a huge, homecooked dinner, then chocolate. Only, tomorrow never came.
Thankfully, the bullying stopped when we left school, and though neither of us lost weight, we found happiness.
Aged 19, Clare fell pregnant with her son. Sadly, she split with his dad, but doted on her boy.
Six years on, in June 2005, I met my husband Paul, then 27, and was delighted to fall pregnant a year later.
‘I love eating for two,’ I told Clare.
‘Yeah, I know, it’s guilt-free,’ she laughed.
By then, I was a size-16/18, and Clare a size-22.
She’d recently met someone, and had another baby, a girl.
As my pregnancy progressed, I craved fast food and puddings, especially Paul’s mum’s apple crumble. Yum!
In January 2007, I had our daughter Lexie.
She weighed a healthy 8lb, while I was an obese 17st.
Months later, I fell pregnant again. And, in November 2008, I gave birth to Oscar.
Tipping the scales at more than 17st, and a dress size-20, I was the biggest I’d ever been. Although Clare lived in London, and I was in Lincolnshire, she was still my confidante.
‘I feel so miserable this big,’ I admitted one night on the phone.
I’d stopped going out, wore black, baggy clothes.
‘I think I’m just meant to be big,’ Clare sighed.
Still, we tried countless diets, always failing within weeks.
After she had another girl in 2010, Clare’s weight peaked at 28st.
Joining Slimming World, over the next two years she lost an incredible 10st. When I visited, in December 2011, she’d gained a little, but looked fantastic.
Inspired, I decided to try again.
‘But first…’ Clare giggled, dropping a bar of Galaxy on my lap.
After a lovely few days, we hugged goodbye, promised to meet again soon.
Meantime, I joined a slimming club. Clare texted daily messages of support, rang after every weigh-in.
And, as Clare had put back on some weight, we decided to have a competition to see who could lose the most.
Then, on 31 January 2012, my mum Shirley, 72, rang
We tried countless diets, always failing
me. She was in tears. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, panic rising. ‘It’s Clare...she’s died,’ Mum sobbed.
What? How?
‘But she was fine…’ I managed.
Just 32, with three young kids aged 11, 4, and 1, it didn’t make sense.
Mum explained that Clare had died of a suspected heart attack.
At first, I couldn’t accept my sister and best friend was gone.
Her husband said Clare had gone to the toilet in the night and had collapsed.
A week on, the post-mortem revealed she’d died from an undiagnosed heart problem.
Then, the cruellest blow – obesity had been a major contributing factor.
‘But she’d lost so much weight,’ I sobbed.
Still weighing 17st, I wasn’t much lighter than Clare had been.
Two weeks on, we held Clare’s funeral.
Turning to food for comfort, I was munching my way to an early death, too.
Time passed in a blur until eventually, three years on in early 2015, I was diagnosed with depression.
Talking to a therapist, I realised Clare wouldn’t want me wasting my life.
She’d have wanted me to get healthy, avoid the same fate.
A friend told me about the Cambridge Weight Plan.
So, in April 2015, I plucked up the courage to meet a consultant.
By then, I’d dropped to 16st, but still had a way to go.
Initially, restricted to three liquid shakes a day, it was tough.
But thinking about Clare, I knew I had to do this for her, and for my kids.
Losing 10lb in the first week spurred me on.
A few weeks in, I introduced soup or eggs at teatime, so I could sit and enjoy meals with my family. After eight weeks, I’d lost 3st. Some weeks, the scales didn’t show much of a loss.
Before, I’d have given up. Now, I thought of Clare, and what she’d say.
Finally, last July, I hit my target of 11st 13lb.
Better still, I won Cambridge Weight Plan’s Slimmer Of The Year Award.
Taking part in a photo shoot, I easily got into a size-10 dress.
‘I can’t believe it’s me,’ I squealed, seeing the pictures.
In February, Paul and I were whisked away on my prize – a Caribbean cruise!
Walking around on deck in a swimming costume was a dream come true.
Every day I thought about how proud and happy Clare would be for me.
Losing my sister broke my heart, but thanks to her I changed my life.
Clare wouldn’t want me wasting my life