Too fat for life or love!
My fat cocoon almost stopped me finding The One…
Ican still hear it now…
‘Oi, beer barrel!’ a boy shouted at me.
Only 4, I didn’t know what it meant. But I knew it was a dig at my expense. You see, I was big. So big, I started dieting aged 5, then went with my dad John, now 67, to a slimming clinic when I was 6.
Nothing helped, and I’d ballooned to a size-10 by the time I started primary school.
Scared I’d be bullied again, I didn’t want anyone to notice me.
So I kept myself to myself, and I refused to go out. By the time I was 8, I was so unhappy, I went to the other extreme, and stopped eating. Stayed locked in my room. My poor parents were so worried about me…
Hating to see them upset, I promised to start eating again if they got me a pet hamster. They agreed. But my unhealthy relationship with food only grew worse.
By the time I left school at 17, I was a whopping size-20.
Moving to Yorkshire, I met Paul through friends. And, at 23, we got married. By then, I was a size-28. Embarrassed, I said no to a photographer for our big day.
And, if anyone ever took pictures of me, I’d see red.
I hated facing the truth about my ever-growing waistline.
Paul never mentioned my size, though. And, in denial, my weight only soared.
Sadly, two years later, Paul and I were divorced. Heartbroken, I lost 10st. But I still wasn’t happy… My weight yo-yoed – I starved and binged for years.
Then, in September 1998, I met Nigel, now 44, at a pub.
A whirlwind romance, within months I was pregnant with my first child.
And eating for two!
Every day, I’d shovel in cakes, biscuits and greasy takeaways.
In no time, I piled back on all the weight I’d lost.
And then some..!
In May 2001, I gave birth to my daughter Amy. And then, three years later, I had my son Ethan.
But then, me and their dad split up.
Leaving me a fat, full-time mum.
Nothing yummy about this mummy!
What if I’m overweight and lonely…forever?
I wondered.
Still, run off my feet, I focused on being a mum and making sure that my kids were happy.
I dated, on and off, over the next 10 years, but hated getting intimate.
Beer barrel, I thought, seeing myself naked, remembering the scathing comment
Who’d love me?
Depressed, I made excuses to avoid seeing my mates. And,
By the time I was 17, I was a whopping size-20
over the years, I lost them.
I was in my own world – my own fat cocoon! Except when I went out. ‘Look how fat that lady is!’ kids shouted, and their parents never scolded them.
I pretended I had a thick skin, only I didn’t.
By September 2015, I’d been single for five years.
My kids were intelligent, beautiful, kind.
What was I?
Fat, unhappy, alone.
Then 42, I’d convinced myself I didn’t need anyone. But that month, my brother Daniel, 37, announced he and his wife Christie, 37, had joined Slimming World. Both big, they were desperate to lose weight. Within weeks, the difference was just incredible.
Could I do it, too?
Determined, on 1 October 2015, I dragged myself along to my first class.
Stepping on the scales, I weighed in at a whopping 21st – a size-28.
Mortified, afterwards I wrapped myself up in my big coat and kept my head down.
Like I’d done for years.
Quiet as a mouse.
But then something clicked. I couldn’t hide any more… It was hard overhauling my diet, but I was on a mission.
So I traded takeaways for healthy, homemade grub.
By August last year, I’d dropped an amazing 5st, and the leader asked for old pictures of me.
But, ashamed at my once-bulging bod, I didn’t have any.
So I turned to Facebook – and the results were horrific!
How did I let myself get so huge? I wondered.
But the more weight I lost, the more I came out of my cocoon. Held my head high. I felt fantastic. There was just one thing left…
My friend at Slimming World said she met her hubby online. She encouraged me to try it.
Why not?!
There was a special offer on match.com, so I signed up.
Within two months, I got a message from Stuart Rowell, 46.
We were soon chatting away like old friends and, a week later, we met in Manchester.
Petrified, I set up a code word with my friend in case I needed to make a quick exit! But Stuart was perfect. We hit it off instantly. And, a month on… ‘This is the old me,’ I said, showing him a picture of me at my heaviest.
He was shocked, but impressed at how I’d turned my life around.
‘This doesn’t look like you at all,’ he smiled.
And, in February this year, I hit my target weight, 12st, a dress size-12!
Then, last Christmas Day, just six months after we met, Stuart proposed.
As if that wasn’t a big enough boost, seeing my Dad at a family do in January, he gave me a casual hug before I popped to the loo.
‘Where’s Claire?’ he asked, when I returned.
‘I know I haven’t seen you for a while,’ I giggled. ‘But I just hugged you, Dad!’
He didn’t even recognise his own daughter!
I thought that I’d be fat and lonely for the rest of my life – but now I’ve met the love of my life, Stuart.
And, best of all, I’ve finally learned to love myself as well.
The more weight I lost, the more I held my head high