I set my girl free at last
Kai took drastic action to persuade me he was a she... £2.99
As newborns go, I got lucky with Joseph.
When he arrived in December 2010, he was such a quiet, docile little thing.
A mum to four boys and a daughter already, I’d had my fair share of sleepless nights and midnight feeds. But Joseph would sleep soundly in his cot for hours on end.
‘Makes a change from his boisterous brothers,’ I thought.
But, actually, I looked forward to Joseph growing into a part of my rowdy brood.
I dug out his older brothers’ toy trucks and bikes, and dressed him in camouflage print and trainers.
But, when Joseph was 18 months old, he got bored with playing with footballs and cars. And, at nursery, he seemed to gravitate towards the dolls and dressing-up box.
Back then, I thought it was just a phase.
‘Play with the other little boys,’ I’d encourage him.
But, despite my efforts, at 2, Joseph was pulling his T-shirts down to make them into dresses.
Truth was, I didn’t know what to think.
Is he gay? Or is he just vying for my attention?
I wondered.
Then, in December 2013, when he was 3…
‘Mummy, I’m a girl,’ Joseph smiled, and I felt my heart jump.
See, I come from a very traditional, conservative background.
I was brought up to go to church every Sunday, was a devout Christian. I felt overwhelmed. I’d read about transgender people, but it wasn’t necessarily something I agreed with.
Consumed with worry, I phoned Joseph’s nursery and told them to keep him away from girls’ toys.
Even at home, I encouraged him to be more boyish.
And, if he expressed the slightest interest in anything girly, it was straight to the naughty step. Sounds harsh, but I didn’t know what else to do.
I thought I was doing the right thing – that being strict with Joseph was the only way to help him become more ‘normal’.
Only, in the months that followed, my bright, bubbly son became increasingly withdrawn.
He’d have tantrums, began wetting the bed. And the sound of his giggles filling the house disappeared. Plus, he still insisted that he was a girl.
At home, I’d find little bracelets and My Little Pony figurines under his bed.
He must’ve stolen them from girls at nursery, I realised.
Then, in November 2014, I was tucking Joseph, then 4, into bed, when I noticed that his legs felt really cold.
When I pulled back the duvet, he was wearing a pair of pink knickers so tiny, he must’ve taken them off a doll! They were so small they were cutting off the blood circulation to his legs. ‘Oh, sweetie,’ I sobbed, my heart breaking. Joseph was desperately trying to show me who he really was – and I couldn’t ignore it any longer. So I decided to buy him his own girls’ underwear. That way, he’ll feel girly, but will still look like a boy on the outside, I thought. Still, when I finally went to the shops to buy him knickers, I froze. ‘Can I help you?’ a shop assistant asked, as I browsed the packs of underwear. ‘Er…no thanks,’ I stuttered, and I dashed from the shop as quickly as I could. It took three more attempts before I finally found the courage to purchase a pair. When I gave them to Joseph, he was so excited, he cried happy tears. ‘Thank you, Mummy!’ he smiled, chuffed to pieces. I wanted to see him smile more. So, the next time I went shopping, I bought a few girls’ T-shirts and leggings. As expected, he was over the moon. ‘I want to wear them now,’ he beamed, putting the clothes straight on. His older brothers
Under the duvet, he was wearing tiny, pink knickers
and sister weren’t fazed at all.
They just accepted Joseph for who he was, and I knew I had to follow suit.
Gradually, over time, things became easier. Joseph changed his name to his middle name Kai, and we started using different pronouns – ‘she’ instead of ‘he’, ‘her’ instead of ‘him’ or ‘his’… It took some getting used to. As friends and family became aware of what was happening, some called me a bad parent.
I believed I was doing right by Kai, though. I’d never seen a happier child! And to me, that was the most important thing.
So, when Kai started school in September 2015, I spoke to her headteacher. ‘Kai was born male, but she’s actually a girl,’ I explained. I told them she’d be wearing dresses to school – and, thankfully, they were OK about it. She wasn’t allowed to use the girls’ toilet at school, though – she had to use the school nurse’s loo. As the months passed, Kai really came into her own. She had so much confidence, and her personality shone through. She was funny, loud, cheeky, and had the ability to make anyone smile.
By now, the bedwetting and tantrums had stopped. And her cheerful giggles filled the house once more.
Kai is 6 now, and such a vibrant little girl. She loves wearing pearls, dressing up and glitter. She’s the girliest girl I know!
It’s not been easy. It’s taken us a long time, and lots of tears, to get here. But I don’t regret for a second letting Kai transition.
She knew at such a young age who she was.
My wonderful little girl just needed to be set free.