Ready to C-rumble!

Bullies wouldn’t beat me!

I’ve never blended in with the crowd. Moving from Gloucestershire to Essex at the age of 9, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Tall and skinny, big glasses, buck teeth and a noticeable countryside accent.

‘Lollipop, four eyes,’ school bullies would jeer.

I retreated into music, it was an escape and my passion.

By 13, I could play the piano, recorder, clarinet, bass guitar...

By July 1983, I got a Music degree from Surrey University and dreamt of being a songwriter.

‘But love songs are 10 a penny,’ I told friends.

And I was determined to be different.

And so, over the years, I wrote quirky tunes like the Pizza Song, Fun to be a Fish, and Kevin’s Making Sushi.

But my fave was my catchy Crumble Song, written in 1993.

‘Everybody’s good at cooking something, and I’m good at cooking crumble,’ I sang, while also playing my keyboard.

‘It’s a hit!’ laughed my partner Kevin, now 56.

We’d met in 1986 when he was in the audience at one of my gigs, and he loved my ditties. But not everyone was a fan. At my first few gigs, I was booed off stage.

‘They just don’t get your style,’ Kevin reassured.

So I carried on performing in quirky clubs and pubs.

I also taught piano, played bass guitar and keyboard in bands including jazz and folk. Even performing at Glastonbury in 1992!

My dream was to perform my songs, and in spring 2014, a friend said I should audition for Britain’s Got Talent.

What a way to get noticed! I thought. So I went for it!

Kevin worried how I’d handle rejection if it didn’t go my way.

‘I can do this,’ I assured him.

And there was no question which song I’d play.

The Crumble Song, of course!

So I applied and won a spot auditioning for the judges.

In February 2015, I arrived at London’s Dominion Theatre, so excited! Finally, my moment came. I was determined not to crumble under the pressure.

So, wearing a silver dress, I strutted on stage carrying my keyboard – and an ironing board as a stand. I launched into my song. Seconds in, Simon looked unimpressed – and then his

Carrying a keyboard and ironing board, I took to the stage!

buzzer blared loudly! But I ignored it. Besides, the audience were on their feet, dancing, and so was David Walliams!

Amanda and Alisha soon pressed their red buzzers, too.

But I got a standing ovation!

Then, I watched, stunned, as David slammed down the golden buzzer!

It meant, no matter what the other judges said, I had a spot in the live semi-finals!

Suddenly confetti was raining down on me. The audience went wild! Thrilled, I started dancing, and David joined me on stage. ‘Well done!’ he grinned. After, chatting to presenters Ant and Dec, I was on cloud nine. ‘I’m so proud,’ beamed Kevin. In May 2015, I was back for my live semi-final, performing my song Space. Sadly I didn’t win. But I was chuffed to come fourth in my round, plus I’d got the chance to share my music with the nation.

Amazing!

Gig offers flew in, as did the worldwide fan mail.

Then in September 2015, a publishing company, Candy Jar Books, got in touch.

‘They want me to write a children’s book,’ I told Kevin.

They thought that kids would love reading about my character, The Crumble Lady, and all her crazy adventures.

I hadn’t thought about writing a book before. But never say never! So I jumped at the chance. Working with editors, I wrote five short stories featuring The Crumble Lady.

She’s a suburban superhero who solves crimes, writes songs – and also saved a town from a terrifying sherbet explosion!

One story even had an anti-bullying message encouraging kids to be kind to each other.

David Walliams wrote me

a glowing review, saying, My golden girl Lorraine Bowen’s talents are endless!

As David’s also a children’s author, it meant the world.

I’ve come a long way since my school days – and I’ve shown those bullies.

Now I actually celebrate being different.

And I’m having such a lot of fun doing it!