Kebab and chips… And my date with death

Desperate and depressed, I was moments away from doing something very stupid

Jennifer Malik, 29, Blackpool

Slumped on a park bench, I watched my little girl, Naomi, 3, whiz down the slide and race across to the swings. ‘Come on, Mummy!’ she called, waving me over with her tiny, excited hands.

But I didn’t dare move a muscle, shaking my head in response.

‘You go ahead, love,’ I called back.

Looking over at a group of teenagers standing nearby, I shuddered.

If I had got up, there’s no way they would have missed me, and who knows what they would have said.

I’d been heckled, mocked and humiliated by strangers most of my life.

And now, in January 2016, things were no different.

I weighed 27st 7lb and was a dress size 30.

‘Blimey, look at her!’ people would snigger openly as I waddled past.

I’d been a fat child, a fat bride – and worst of all, I was now a fat mum. A big, fat failure all my life,

I thought, watching the other mums effortlessly running after their little ones.

They were slim and full of energy, and I ached with jealousy. Why can’t I be like them? My poor daughter was sitting on the swing on her own.

Kicking her little legs, trying to get it to move.

A lump formed in my throat. She deserves so much better.

Later, I made Naomi a meal of fish fingers and baked beans. While I sank my sorrows in a takeaway for me and my husband Billy, 34.

After gorging on a kebab with chips, I then got Naomi ready for bedtime.

‘Back soon,’ Billy smiled, kissing me on the cheek.

He was heading out on his shift as a taxi driver.

As soon as Naomi was sleeping soundly on her little bed beside ours, I allowed my tears to fall.

I’d promised myself this was going to be the year I changed.

Be the slim mum that I knew my little girl deserved. The woman I so wanted to be. But I was addicted to food. Just like a drug addict, I was constantly on the prowl for my next hit.

Convinced I was never going to turn things around, my thoughts turned dark.

Grabbing painkillers from the bathroom cabinet, I made the decision to put an end to my misery.

With the pills in one hand, and a glass of water in the other, I sat down on Naomi’s bed watching her sleep. She’d be better off without me...