Hubby had four wives
I’d escaped – but could I get my family to safety, too?
He came home with a new wife – I had to accept it
After cooking the dinner, I dutifully washed the dishes.
‘Such a good girl,’ my dad smiled, and I revelled in his praise. It was 1985, and I was only 6. But I’d help my mum look after my brothers, too. That was normal.
I followed the rules, did my chores, never questioned why.
You see, my family was part of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), run by the self-proclaimed prophet Warren Jeffs.
It had 10,000 members, in communes spread across the state of Utah, in the US. We didn’t have toys or TV. At school, we were taught mostly Christianity – even in English class, we were only allowed to read The Bible. Science was banned. There were no History or Geography lessons.
All we knew about the outside world was that it was dangerous, to be feared.
‘I never want to go outside,’ I’d tell my parents.
‘As long as you’re here, you’ll be safe,’ Mum promised me.
So I did everything I was told.
Even when, just after I turned 18, in 1998, my dad told me I was getting married. That day.
Giving me a suitcase, he
told me to pack my things. ‘You’ll be moving in with your husband tonight,’ he said. I’d been taught my role was to serve my leaders – all men – and to have children.
But I was frightened, and didn’t feel ready.
I couldn’t voice my fears, though. That’d be defiance.
After saying a tearful goodbye to my family, I was taken to the church.
I didn’t even know who my husband would be.
Walking down the aisle, seeing Richard for the first time, I felt sick.
Yet his reassuring smile helped me relax.
He seems nice, I thought. Richard didn’t rush me into consummating our marriage, either.
‘We’ll wait until you’re ready,’ he said soothingly that night. ‘Thank you,’ I whispered. Richard was 21, a prominent member of the Church.
He made me feel comfortable – and, slowly, I fell in love.
Within a year, I was pregnant and our daughter Jenetta was born in November 1999. Shortly after, I fell pregnant again.
But, as my belly grew for the second time, something happened…
‘I’ve been asked to marry again,’ Richard told me one night, when I was three months pregnant. ‘Why?’ I asked him, feeling upset.
But, really, I already knew the answer – our leader Warren Jeffs had instructed Richard to bring another woman into our marriage.
So, when Richard came home the next day with a new woman – a new wife – I simply had to accept it.
And that was just the start. Over the next five years, Richard got married three more times.
His third wife Rachel was Jeffs’ granddaughter.
Meanwhile,
I had another daughter, Sariah, and two sons, Sedrick and Abraham.
Richard’s other wives had children, too.
He’d visit us on separate nights for sex, and we’d battle with jealousy – over Richard, how to raise the children.
I lived in fear that Rachel would report us to her grandfather, and felt like I was constantly being watched.
Then, in 2006, a former member reported Jeffs for rape and forced marriage.
But, despite his arrest and the allegations, life carried on.
I had two more children, Larissa and Celesta.
Eventually, in August 2011, Warren Jeffs was jailed for life for the aggravated sexual assault of a 12-year-old girl and 20 years for the sexual assault of a 15-year-old girl. Still, things didn’t change. Even behind bars, Jeffs controlled us via his brothers, who he’d left in charge.
Punishments became harsher, rules stricter. As
always, I obeyed.
It’s best for the kids, I thought. But then, in November 2011, I started to hear rumours – whispers that Jeffs planned to make my Jenetta, then 12, his next wife, should he be released. I was sickened.
She was just a child, not ready to be a wife or a mother.
‘I won’t let him take her,’
I told Richard.
But he didn’t support me. That was the moment I knew that life in the FLDS wasn’t a safe haven, as I’d once thought.
From then on, I became more disillusioned, and questioned everything.
I fought back.
When I suffered wounds to my legs in a car accident in December 2011, I went to a doctor, even though treatment is against Church beliefs.
Branded a troublemaker, by March 2012 I was told to leave. Richard turned against me, and my children were taken by one of the other wives – and hidden.
Then I was given a car and $4,000 (around £3,200).
‘Never come back,’ Richard spat at me.
I drove away, sobbing, desperate to know where my kids were. I’d lost everything, been forced into a world I’d been taught to fear for 32 years.
Terrified,
I drove 750 miles to Nebraska, where I begged a supermarket manager for a job and rented a flat nearby.
I felt like the outside world was overwhelming.
I found myself avoiding watching TV, still believed some of the lies I’d been fed.
I hardly spoke to anyone, just focused on getting myself strong enough to go back for my kids.
I was so worried about them, especially for my daughters.
I tried – and failed– to contact them myself.
So, in June 2014, I managed to find myself a lawyer.
‘You have rights as their mother,’ he assured me, vowing that he would help.
In August 2014, when our letters went unanswered, I drove back to Utah with my lawyer.
We threatened the sect with the FBI.
The leaders clearly feared the police, so they agreed to meet us at a park and to hand over my kids.
But, when the children saw me, they screamed in fear, sobbed hysterically – brainwashed into thinking that I was the devil. Despicable.
I felt so guilty that I hadn’t been there to protect them. But I can now, I thought. It took all of the children a while to adjust – Jenetta wouldn’t call me ‘Mum’ for two years.
It’s taken a lot of therapy – but now, five years on, we’re finally happy.
In January 2015, I had a son, Eli, with a new partner. And Jenetta, now 19, Sariah, 17, Sedrick, 16, Abraham, 14, Larissa, 11, Celesta, 8, and Eli, 4, are all thriving.
I don’t know much about the FLDS any more, and I try not to think about it.
Looking back, I can’t believe how naive I was. But I’d been just a child – I’d been born into that world and brainwashed.
I’m just so thankful that
I got out when I did.
I still believed some of the lies I’d been fed
l Sarah’s book Give Me Back My Children is available on Amazon now.