What was be­hind my anger at­tacks?

What was be­hind my anger at­tacks? Bil­lie Dee Gian­francesco, 29, east Lon­don

Chat - - CONTENTS -

Step­ping out of the car,

I could feel my blood boil­ing.

My mum Tr­isha, then 47, and I had been row­ing.

What about? I re­ally couldn’t tell you.

Some silly com­ment or look, prob­a­bly, as we’d driven home from school.

But it was enough to get me riled up.

So much so that I’d just poured a tray of milk­shakes over her as we pulled into the drive­way.

While poor Mum went in­side to clean her­self up, I felt my anger dis­solve.

‘I’m so sorry!’ I cried later on. ‘I don’t know where that came from.’

But, truth­fully, this wasn’t my first an­gry out­burst.

Ever since I was around 6, my moods had been ex­treme.

I’d be­come fu­ri­ous over the slight­est thing.

As a teen, I was pop­u­lar, top of my class.

I had noth­ing to be an­gry about, yet my moods were out of con­trol – I wasn’t just a teen with hor­mone is­sues.

Frus­trated, I be­gan to self-med­i­cate.

I started drink­ing al­co­hol and do­ing drugs.

By the time I was 17, it was ex­ces­sive.

So I started look­ing on the in­ter­net about men­tal-health dis­or­ders. This could ex­plain ev­ery­thing, I thought. I didn’t know what to be­lieve, though.

Over the next 10 years, my binges got worst.

And my moods never im­proved.

But in 2016, when

Help is out there for men­tal­health dis­or­ders

I was 26, I had a mas­sive men­tal breakdown.

House­bound, I knew that I needed to get some help. I started to see a psy­chi­a­trist pri­vately.

A year later, I fi­nally got a di­ag­no­sis.

‘You have borderline per­son­al­ity dis­or­der,’ my GP ex­plained to me.

BPD is a dis­or­der of mood and how a per­son in­ter­acts with oth­ers.

It can be linked to other men­tal-health dis­or­ders, such as bipo­lar.

For me, it was com­bined with com­plex post trau­matic stress dis­or­der (c-PTSD).

My BPD had a series of trig­gers.

One was my par­ents’ di­vorce when I was 6.

My psy­chi­a­trist helped me to cope bet­ter.

I was put on med­i­ca­tion, had reg­u­lar ther­a­pist vis­its.

Now my rages are un­der con­trol, I feel at peace.

And I can talk openly about my BPD.

Lots of peo­ple don’t re­ally un­der­stand men­tal­health dis­or­ders. They’re eas­ily dis­missed. For that rea­son, I’ll keep work­ing to ed­u­cate peo­ple about them.

The mes­sage is sim­ple. Help is out there – it’s OK not to be OK.

My mes­sage: it’s OK to not be OK

I’d row with Mum over noth­ing

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.