Just three days
But I’ll always be a mummy to twins
As I’m A
Celebrity went into another ad break, I rushed to the loo.
‘Again?’ my partner Max, 35, laughed.
‘Don’t blame me, blame the boys!’ I despaired.
This pregnancy, with twins, had me running to the toilet every 10 minutes.
It was November 2018 and we were having a normal Sunday evening in.
Only, this loo break was different.
Feeling liquid between my legs, I screamed out for Max.
My waters had broken. ‘The babies are coming now!’ I yelled, panicking.
I was only 27 weeks along, had only been to one birthing class.
But I had no choice – I was in labour.
Max dialled 999 as, on the bathroom floor, I began to push.
Within minutes, our first son Dexter was born.
Hearing his tiny cry assured me that he was OK.
Only, when Zachary was born moments later, there was silence.
He wasn’t breathing. Max started doing CPR as I watched on in horror, with Dexter in my arms.
Both our boys were so small, no bigger than the palm of my hand.
Paramedics arrived soon after.
Rushed to Airedale Hospital, I thought the worst was over.
But when we arrived, both boys became ill, were transferred to Leeds Children’s Hospital for specialist care. Please be OK, I prayed. Given blood transfusions, the boys were kept under close watch.
Still, there was no explanation as to why I’d gone into early labour.
All we could do was hope the boys would get stronger.
Desperate to stay by their side, we were referred to The Sick Children’s Trust.
The charity gave us a room nearby. And it was just in time...
At 5am the next morning, there was a phone call.
‘Zachary suffered a catastrophic bilateral brain haemorrhage,’ the doctor explained.
He’d no chance of survival. Max and I were crushed. Clinging to our first and last moments with Zachary, we organised a photographer to come in to the hospital. Our first family photo. But when Zachary was 3 days old, we knew we had to let him go.
Max and I cuddled our boy as he passed away in our arms.
The grief was flooring. But we couldn’t lose ourselves, not when Dexter needed us. And, thankfully, he began to thrive – after
I should have been bringing two babies home
another nine weeks in hospital, we took him home. It was bittersweet.
I should have been bringing two babies home.
It’s been almost a year since my boys arrived.
And while we still have no answers about why they came so early, we’re thankful for the care we received.
Not a day goes by when we don’t think of Zachary.
In his honour, we’ve completed a series of challenges to raise money for The Sick Children’s Trust.
Without their help, we may never have had those three days with both our boys.
And it’s those memories I’ll treasure forever.