The look of love
As Nathan and I looked at Myles, a nurse came up to us. ‘Don’t fret,’ she said. ‘Babies have closed eyes until around 27 weeks gestation. They’ll open properly soon.’
More worrying were his ears – just tiny flaps with no cartilage – and his lungs weren’t strong enough for him to breathe unaided, so he needed an oxygen tube.
I thought sadly about friends on Facebook, proudly posting pics of first cuddles.
My baby was too frail even to be held.
The tiniest nappies and clothes were too big, and the nurses said he was one of the smallest prem babies they’d treated.
As I recovered from surgery, we spent hours in the Neonatal Unit.
Myles wasn’t strong enough to breastfeed, but
I expressed milk for him to be bottle-fed.
However, as the days passed, his weight dropped to just 1lb 4oz. Worrying. On the third day, a nurse lifted him out of the incubator and placed him on my chest.
He was so light,
I could barely feel him as he nuzzled into me.
‘Mummy loves you,’ I whispered.
That evening, I was discharged. Leaving the hospital without my baby felt painful, but we visited Myles every day.
And we noticed little changes in him each time. On day four, I gasped.
‘His eyes are starting to open!’
The lines where his eyelids met were slowly unfusing.
After that, they opened a little more each day until finally, at a week old, his eyelids fluttered and, slowly, he opened them wide.
My heart swelled with love as I looked into my baby’s eyes for the first time.
They were deep blue and, as I gazed lovingly at him, he stared right back. Utterly beautiful.
Days turned into weeks, and Myles gradually gained weight. There were setbacks – jaundice, sepsis, a hernia and two blood transfusions – but he was a fighter.
Of course, we hated being at home without him.
Wished we could put him to bed at night, wake up to his cries for milk and see his face in the morning.
Finally, after 17 weeks, in October 2020, our wish came true.
By then, Myles weighed 10lb 3oz and, once we’d learnt how to operate his oxygen tube, the doctors said he was strong enough to come home.
At last!
As we didn’t have our own place, we divided our time between my parents – my mum Carolyn, then 60, and my dad Iain, 52 – and Nathan’s mum Julie, 54.
Nathan had gone back to work as a plasterer, so I was very grateful for their support.
Myles amazed us all with his progress. He was alert and smiley and, by January 2021, aged 7 months, he came off his oxygen tube.
He was ready to be weaned, too, so we introduced him to purees.
Now 10 months old, Myles is such a happy little boy.
He says ‘Mama’ and ‘Dada’, and giggles in his bouncy chair when we switch on his favourite cartoon Mr Bean.
His development is delayed, as expected, but the doctors can’t foresee future health issues.
Plus, tests show that his eyes are fine.
Such a relief!
We’re even planning his first birthday party.
It’s just amazing to think how far our little miracle has come already.
His eyelids fluttered and, slowly, he opened them wide