Forced to watch as my ex killed my secret lover
I saw my ex stab my lover – and I’ll always blame myself for what happened
Music pulsed as I scanned the party for familiar faces. ‘Hi, can I get you a drink?’ asked a voice behind me. It was a guy with blue twinkly eyes, a cheeky grin. ‘Wine, please,’ I smiled. As he handed me a glass, he winked.
‘I’m Robbie,’ he said. ‘I know,’ I replied. Robbie Smullen had a reputation as a local bad boy. I knew he’d been in trouble with the law before.
But now, as Robbie chatted to me, he made me feel like the only girl in the world.
I was 19 and Robbie, then 18, was a charmer, topping up my drink, joking.
When we kissed later, I was thrilled.
Next day, he invited me swimming at our local leisure centre.
Within days, we were inseparable and he moved into my flat.
‘I think I love you,’ he said one night.
‘I think I love you, too,’ I giggled.
Only it wasn’t long before Robbie was in trouble again, in and out prison for car theft.
I visited him, but it was hard. I was lonely.
One day in 2017, I was in the corner shop when I spotted a lad I recognised.
‘I’m Barry, do I know you?’ he asked.
‘We’ve got mutual friends,’ I smiled to him.
We got chatting. Barry Dixon, then 19, was handsome, funny, easygoing. We swapped numbers.
When I was around Barry, it helped me to stop worrying about my on-andoff relationship with Robbie in jail.
When Robbie came out of prison, we tried making it work, but were soon arguing. He’d storm off for days, then show up, eyes twinkling and I’d fall for him all over again.
Jealous, he hated me being mates with Barry.
‘We’re just friends,’ I’d insist.
Yet, deep down, I did have feelings for Barry.
One day in February 2018, I popped over to Barry’s.
He blurted out that he’d always fancied me.
‘I feel the same,’ I confessed to him.
We ended up sleeping together. Afterwards, I felt guilty about it.
But the truth was, things were so bad with Robbie that, these days, we were apart more than we were together.
It’s all such a big mess, I fretted.
Then, in March 2019,
Robbie had a reputation as a local bad boy
I started feeling sick.
I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.
I felt even more guilty and confused – given the dates, I was pretty sure the baby was Robbie’s.
‘I’m pregnant,’ I told him.
‘It’s not mine,’ he fumed.
Somehow, he’d found out about Barry.
I tried explaining to him, but he didn’t want to know.
A few days later, I was shopping in town when
I saw Robbie with his arms round another girl.
I realised he was cheating on me, too.
It was the final straw for me – our relationship was clearly over.
Never again, I vowed. But on 4 June 2019 Robbie turned up.
‘Give my keys back,’ I demanded of him, ‘I saw
you with someone else!’
‘It’s nothing!’ Robbie pleaded with me.
‘It’s over!’ I said. He handed the keys to me and skulked off.
Upset, I went over to a friend’s flat, and Barry was already there.
‘You deserve better than Robbie,’ he told me.
He ended up coming back to mine, and we spent the evening sitting on my sofa, chatting.
‘You deserve to be happy,’ Barry said to me, leaning in for a kiss. Suddenly... Crash!
As his lips met mine, Barry knocked his wine off the coffee table.
‘It’s all over you!’ I laughed, ‘I’ve got some spare clothes somewhere.’
‘Thanks,’ Barry said, looking embarrassed.
Barry took off his top but, as I went to fetch some dry clothes for him, I heard a loud knock at the door
– and then shouting. Robbie.
‘Barry, hide!’ I hissed. Knowing Robbie would be furious seeing Barry in my living room half-naked, I didn’t answer the door.
But then I heard a key turning in the lock… Robbie still had a key! I felt terrified. Before I knew what was happening, Robbie was in the living room, and screaming.
‘What are you doing?’ Robbie roared at Barry.
‘Nothing happened!’ Barry explained. ‘Stop it!’ I cried. But Robbie ran straight at Barry, started punching him in the chest.
Then Barry crumpled and fell to the ground.
Robbie’s face drained white, and he fled.
‘Barry, get up!’ I cried, scared – and then I saw the blood on his chest.
It was everywhere. He’d been stabbed. ‘Robbie, what have you done!’ I screamed, racing out after him.
Terrified, and in a blind panic, I ran into the street.
‘Help!’ I cried, eventually ending up at a nearby friend’s place in a state of utter shock.
Then I heard sirens. Before I knew what was happening, I was being bundled into a police car.
At the station, the officers explained I was being charged with assault. ‘What?’ I gasped.
I’d no idea what was going on, Robbie had stabbed Barry, not me.
At least Barry’s alive,
I just kept thinking.
But, the next morning, the police told me that he’d died in hospital. ‘No!’ I sobbed. I told them everything, how Robbie had stabbed Barry through the heart in a jealous rage.
An officer said someone had called 999 saying that I’d stabbed Barry.
‘I’d never hurt him!’ I sobbed brokenly.
Hours later, I learnt that Robbie had been charged with murder.
And that Robbie’s mum Mary Theresa Smullen had been the one who told the officers I’d killed Barry.
I was relieved the police knew the truth, but it was a nightmare.
All I could think about was Barry and his poor family.
He was only 22.
It’s all my fault. If only I hadn’t invited Barry over, I despaired.
Over the next weeks, I suffered flashbacks, was diagnosed with PTSD.
Tragically, after all that’d happened, I knew that I couldn’t cope, so I had a termination. I was completely devastated. It took all of my strength to go to the trial.
But, as the only witness, I wanted to speak the truth for Barry.
In March 2021, the Edinburgh High Court heard Robbie claim he’d acted in self-defence.
That he was trying to wrestle the knife off Barry when they tripped and fell, causing the fatal injury.
The jury didn’t believe him, but rejected the murder charge, finding Robbie Smullen, 23, guilty of the reduced charge of culpable homicide.
He was sentenced to nine years and three months in prison.
Mary Theresa Smullen, 46, admitted trying to pervert the course of justice by trying to frame me for the crime. She was sentenced to 180 hours community service.
I was glad there was justice for Barry. But, still, nothing can bring him back.
I’ve tried contacting Barry’s family, to say how sorry I am.
But I respect that they don’t want to talk to me.
Barry didn’t deserve any of this to happen.
I knew Smullen was a wrong’un when we first met.
How I wish I’d just walked away that day. If I had, Barry would still be here.
All I could think about was Barry and his poor family