Learning to understand ourselves
Where does your interest in therapy stem from?
I grew up with my mum and her female partner. They weren’t clear about their relationship and everything to do with relationships was rather nebulous. There’s a saying ‘a girl’s first love is her father’. With an absent father I didn’t have that safe playing field, so being with men was uncharted territory. I found role models, but it was all rather confusing. My first contact with group therapy and family constellations was in my mid-twenties, in Germany. I learned to trust that diving into scary places when held in a safe place could bring clarity. At that time I was training to become a physiotherapist but I wanted to work in a more holistic way, with the body and soul connection.
What inspired you to host the forthcoming workshop ‘At Peace with your Family History’?
I’ve spent many days being part of my teachers’ workshops. I’d always leave having learned a little more about relationships and being able to love myself with all the good and the difficult bits. I wanted to make this work accessible to more people.
Why is it useful to explore our upbringing and previous experiences?
We learn about our triggers. “I’m so annoyed at...” turns into “oh, I understand why this annoys me so much”. Most of our reactions are learned behaviour, often unconscious. If you explore the layers underneath you get closer to the real essence of being, with yourself and in relationships. Yes, it can be daunting. But the soul needs to grieve to heal. In a safe and confidential place like my workshops that it possible. Can you do this kind of retrospective trawling at pretty much any point in your life, or is there an optimum time?
The sooner we dig to understand ourselves, the more emotionally informed choices will we make in the future. This can be done at any point in our lives. Therapy is something that we are better at accepting in the UK now. What stimulated that shift in the national psyche?
I think it has simply become more socially acceptable to show up as who we truly are. TV programmes like Chris Packham’s ‘Asperger’s and Me’ and people like Prince Harry talking about his story help.
What advice would you give to anyone who feels that their past is hindering their present?
Collect the facts around your family’s history. Which country did your parents/ grandparents come from? Were they affected by war, natural disasters or other big events? Are there family members who died early, including unborn children, disappeared or were ousted? Are you, or other family members, adopted? What were the circumstances of your birth? Join me for a workshop as a ‘resource’ to find out what it’s all about.
Where can we find further information?
The workshop takes place at St John’s Church Centre, Rowlands Castle on 16 March, 10am - 5pm. Find out more at my website: www. thefeltspace.com.