‘What I wanted to say about domestic abuse’
When Dame Julie Walters recorded an online video for a West Sussex domesic abuse charity she is the patron of, little did the founder of the Bognor-based My Sisters’ House know it would lead to a live TV appearance. Here, Julie Budge tells in her own words what she wishes she had said when she was asked to appear on Good Morning Britian with Lorraine last month.
“As the date of the interview got closer, I found the anxieties coming out – those worries I successfully shuffle to the back of my mind in the daytime somehow always reemerge at 2am into my brain like a film playing repeatedly, with me literally running a script in my mind.
What was so worrying? It was only a few million viewers … and live TV.
One major issue I discovered was the fear I would not know which question was aimed at me because of course our patron and I have the same first name! My second worry was that I would not have the words when under pressure; I had so much to say.
So, I prepared by making little reminder cards. I wanted to convey the following:
• Your voice matters, your feelings and thoughts matter, you matter, your life matters – please ask for help. You are not alone.
• There is a national 24 hourr helpline and lots of organisations who can help.
• Reach out to family – let them know, tell them you will send a certain emoji or phrase if the risk is higher and you need help urgently.
• That they can download apps that can activate the police if ‘man down’ eg Holly Guard.
• What wonderful things women’s centres like us do – advice, guidance, information, peer groups, training, emergency provision, domestic abuse service, back to work support and counselling – a wraparound women-centred ethos!
• We are community. It is not just ‘their’ business but everyone’s. Stay alert – is it someone you know. Say something. Do something.
The day before the interview, the beautiful Dame Julie rang me with some advice, reassuring me that Lorraine is one of the softest, most supportive interviewers, and how I was just to imagine we were in a front room and talking to only her. Can you believe little ol’ me was having advice about being in front of the camera (so to speak) from an eight BAFTA Awardwinning actress? So surreal!
At 8.45am I prepared by skype, my laptop, posted the little reminders around the outside, received a supportive call from my sister, and after a delayed wait of countdown twice, finally it was live. Now from my viewpoint I could see all three of us. Lorraine asked the first question to Dame Julie about what advice she would give to women suffering domestic abuse in lockdown. She answered, and then there was another question to her. I was waiting… was I on screen, yes, was it me next, oh my goodness, my heart was beating at triple speed! Suddenly Lorraine asked me about what difference it has made to us about having such a Patron. I was on.
Then, quite a few more questions about Julie Walters’ cancer last year, how she was coping in lockdown, and what seemed like an age before she came back to me about what advice I would give? I quickly looked at my prompts and chose to focus on the ‘you matter’ message and the #youarenotalone campaign phrase.
This was followed by more questions for Dame Julie, expanding on how she spends her time.
Suddenly Lorraine was saying her thank you to us both. In that instant I thought to myself, ‘I have got to get more out there – say it now!’ So, I interrupted her. Yes, really! And I managed to get across the message about community and how it is everyone’s business.
Then it was over – 9.19 minutes in an absolute flash.
My first thought was, ‘OMG I have just been on TV in front of millions of people. OMG!’ The second was, ‘well, that wasn’t bad,’ and the third, ‘what I would have given to say all those other things I wanted to’. Within ten minutes the lovely Julie Walters was on the phone telling me I was amazing and had said some important things, I was a natural and she was already lining up our next appearance. That day the tabloids headed the story ‘Dame Julie Walters’ Update on Cancer’; the domestic abuse story had been ignored nationally in the mainstream media.
But I know that plenty of people have watched the interview themselves and heard that message, and the social media comments have been so lovely. Stand out moments for me include seeing ‘My Sisters’ House’ written on the screen, seeing ‘Bognor Regis’ on there too.
I feel very proud indeed. And If it makes a difference to even one local woman, and saves her from a life of misery, that’s job done.”