DAVE PENMAN NASTY BUSINESS AT BEIS

THE PRIME MINISTER’S EIGHTEENTH CENTURY

mer Ministry of Power who died during the second world war had been “consigned to the basement”.

“I think some of my colleagues forget we work for Her Majesty’s Government,” an o cial told the Telegraph, in a cutting jibe aimed at the republican, soya-latte loving, wokerati civil servants who are responsible for these acts.

All good stu to fill the pages on 1 January. Except, of course, it isn’t true. Not only is it not true, the truth actually tells a di erent story, if the Telegraph had cared to ask, which they didn’t. Fact-checking is apparently soooo 2021.

The portrait of the monarch was moved during refurbishment, then put back where it originally hung. End of. Except, of course, that some special advisers got a bit jealous after a visit to the Home O ce where a much larger portrait hangs

(of course it does). Unfortunately, there was no room for the Priti large one they desired so, instead, they fabricated this story in what I can only assume is considered the next best thing, a civil service-bashing article. High five!

What about the remembrance plaque, I hear you ask? That was moved: five points for accuracy there, Telegraph. Except it was moved to provide greater access to the Remembrance Day memorial and allow it to be streamed across the department. As Dumbledore would say, minus 10 points to Slytherin.

As you can imagine, fake news stories accusing them of disrespecting the Queen and the war dead have not gone down well with civil servants in BEIS. Ever more so when those that throw these anonymous accusations around view the monarch and those who gave their lives for our country as nothing more than convenient tools to get a cheap headline.

Now you would think that the business secretary might be interested to know that his “allies” are spreading such malicious lies about his loyal civil servants. So, I wrote to him, pointing this out and o ering him the chance to clear matters up. Answer was there none. Indeed, not only did he refuse to answer my letter, but felt that saying absolutely nothing about the matter was the best way to show his support for his o cials. I kid you not. I’m sure the civil servants in BEIS are feeling that love as I type.

Of course, Kwasi Kwarteng knows where this story came from. The civil servants know where this story came from. But as ever, the anonymous, cowardly “allies” source allows the pretence that this is all a mystery not worthy of comment. You would have thought that on this occasion, given the despicable nature of this story, it might just have shamed him in to calling it out. Think again.

So, we’re left with Johnson’s quote – Samuel, of course – and Boswell’s interpretation: “that pretended patriotism which so many, in all ages and countries, have made a cloak for self-interest”.

It took me a while to work out why my childhood best friend’s parents never liked me – turns out I’d been blamed for confiscated Rizlas, whisky bottles and other contraband for years without my knowledge. Another “mate” once told his then-girlfriend he only went into a seedy bar in Bulgaria to “keep me company”. Sure, mate. In politics, there is an array of scapegoats to blame your problems on – immigrants, terrorists or even people with glasses in one particularly tragic case. In Westminster, one of the most popular targets in recent times has been civil servants – whether it’s Oliver Dowden telling them to “get off their Pelotons” or Jacob Rees-Mogg suggesting civil service efficiencies (cuts) should cover the proposed national insurance hike. Or that employing so many civil servants does not provide value “because the British public helps pay for them”.

There are good reasons they say these things. The most obvious is that the civil service is unable to defend itself. It is pretty much never allowed to publicly contradict anything said or done by an elected official – so it’s the easiest of targets.

The second is that it is easy to present its staff as “other”. Civil servants are poorly understood. Ministers are the visible figurehead of government departments – few people know what the civil servants underneath them actually do

PRIVATE SECTOR, BUT WE SHOULD ALSO BE BOLDER IN REMINDING THE COUNTRY OF ITS STRENGTHS