FrankWestworth

FAMOUS LAST WORDS In the age of armchair experts, I bring you... The Shed Detective

No idea what our living legend is on about - can you help?

PICTURE THIS: YOU HAVE FALLEN FOR YET another ancient clunker, have attempted to see through the sales patter to gaze instead upon reality. You liked what you saw. You bit both your lip and the bullet, and flashed the cash. Another proud - and only slightly oozing and incontinent - relic of some great motor bicycling heritage or other is now yours. In these remarkable times, it is probable that you've not even seen the beast in the tin, not until it lands, awkwardly, chez vous.

As I rattle the keyboard to produce this matchless opus, the advice is that nonessential trips should be avoided, so it plainly is time for proud new owner to don his anorak of invisibility and transform into The Shed Detective. Your secret identity, whereby you can seemingly miraculously figure out your new bike's old life history. Well... at least the bit of its life history which will explain why it was sold - never mind those 'ill health forces sale' jokes, seek out that 'genuine reason for sale' and enlightenment will surely follow.As indeed may penury, disillusion and a swift resale, but we'll be unfashionably optimistic and assume the best!

So there I was, gazing in wonder and admiration at the latest gently leaking heritage classic on the bench. A Norton. A Norton twin, but possibly not a Norton twin with which you may be personally familiar and almost certainly not a Norton twin to ignite fiery passion in the cockles of your heart ... or whatever the saying is. For this, gentle reader, is an Electra. Be calm now. Go easy with the derisive laughter - a chap is too easily discouraged.

This is not a recent acquisition. In fact, I acquired it over a decade ago as it's an example of a Norton twin I'd always fancied a ride on, never had, so bought one to see what it was like. At that time these handsome little fellows were wildly unpopular and were decently cheap to buy. They still appear to be as unpopular as ever - certainly among the armchair experts but are now improbably expensive. Not that I'm complaining, you understand. Oh no.

Of course I had it running sharpish. How else should a chap pass those relentlessly sunny lockdown days?

As you know, of course, the Norton Electra was fitted with two batteries to handle the starter motor. Yes, you read that correctly. It has an electric hoof. And yes, it works fine, thank you. This particular machine has a single 12V device rather than the twinned 6V offerings fitted in long-ago Plumstead, but it works fine. Well. .. it did, a decade ago, and a new battery will restore prolonged active starting, I am almost certain.

Meanwhile, casting around me for faults - always a wise move, particularly if a chap's better half intends to ride the bike - so that I could be all heroic and fix them. Faults? Few. But lo - what is this? Gripped by a set of neat Viney bones to the bracket vacated by one of the batteries is a piece of soft cloth, carefully folded. It's a yellow cloth, so plainly not standard Norton.

Inside the neat cloth was a neat little plastic bag containing a neat selection of fuses. My face was a picture. Every picture tells a story. Why would a previous owner carry around maybe a dozen assorted fuses? The Shed Detective of course has a theory, and it is connected to those genuine reasons for sale. What could possibly go wrong with a 1965 electric-start Norton? Hmmm. Betcha that has nothing at all to do with selling it.

Another Norton - my very first Commando in fact - was an early inspiration for The

Shed Detective. Previous owner, an otherwise pleasant fellow, swapped it for my disastrous T140 Bonnie. I couldn't figure out why, although to be honest the Norton rattled like a road drill and vibrated almost as badly, which of course Commandos do not do.The Shed Detective soon observed that the engine and primary chain cases were not connected. And the drive-side crankcase half was from an Atlas. Enlightenment followed. It was still better than the Bonnie, of course.

And then there was that really neat BSAA65 in green lane trim. Lovely bike, very cheap. Bought as that inevitable non-runner, it was soon up and at 'em again. Why had it been sold? Maybe the plastic pack of heart pills carefully wrapped and stored inside the seat hump was a clue ...

Frank Westworth is the editor of Rea/Classic magazine, the latest in a long series of publications that began in 1982 when he was bullied into producing The Jampot, the previously excellent magazine of the AJS & Matchless OC.He was also founding editor of Classic Bike Guide and has returned as a columnist as a penance. Or something. He has a mysterious obsession with riding obscure and elderly motorcycles, which he does very slowly ...

"This (Norton) is not a recent acquisition. In fact, I acquired it over a decade ago as it's an example of a Norton twin I'd always fancied a ride on, never had, so bought one to see what it was like."