How ‘cuddle cots’ are easing the heartbreak of losing a baby
The idea of a much longed-for baby dying at birth is truly harrowing. Tragically, 10 stillbirths are registered every day in the UK – but now special cots are helping families cope with their devastating loss…
hen Kathriona Connelly lost W her baby at 34 weeks, the pain she suffered was unimaginable. Her daughter Gloria was born prematurely, just hours after doctors broke the devastating news that they couldn’t find a heartbeat.
Kathriona, 34, says: “I sobbed constantly as I laboured for two hours before giving birth. There are no words to describe the agony of having to say hello and goodbye to your child all at once.”
But the one thing that helped her through her grief was using a cuddle cot, which enabled her to spend five days with her precious baby.
A cuddle cot is essentially a cooling mattress that stops the baby’s body deteriorating, and can be placed in a cot or even a pram. It allows parents to stay with them for days, or even weeks, before their funeral – meaning they can hug them, dress them and take them out for walks.
CORRIE STORYLINE
Worryingly, Britain is ranked 33rd out of 35 in the developed world for its stillbirth rates due to problems including a lack of midwives, insufficient monitoring, infection and genetic conditions. But in more than half of all cases, the cause of death is unknown. The loss of a child to stillbirth has been brought to the forefront by the recent heartrending storyline in Coronation Street, where Kym Marsh’s character, Michelle Connor, lost a child at 21 weeks, echoing Kym’s devastating real-life experience in 2009 when she lost her son Archie at 23 weeks.
HEALING PROCESS
The use of cuddle cots to help parents cope is becoming widely known, too. Charlotte Szakacs, 21, and her husband Attila, 28, were heartbroken when their daughter Evelyn died four weeks after birth, after suffering severe health complications due to a rare chromosomal abnormality.
The couple were able to stay with Eveyln for 16 days using a cuddle cot, and documented their time with her – even taking her on trips to the park in a pram.
Charlotte says: “Having that time with her made such a difference. Being able to do so many of the things you imagine, like taking her out in her pram, really helped emotionally.”
Erica Stewart, a bereavement support and awareness specialist from SANDS (Stillbirth And Neonatal Death Support) charity, explains: “Cuddle cots can help with the healing process. When you have a baby that dies,
it’s a brutal shock. You have expectations of what you will do with your child – taking them home, bathing them, dressing them – and it’s all snatched away from you. It’s a devastating loss.
“But still being able to do those things, albeit in a different way, can create memories for you.”
Kathriona found a cuddle cot helped her hugely. The office worker – who lives in Dublin with husband Anthony Mcdonagh, 35, and three-yearold daughter Imelda – started having contractions at 34 weeks in 2016. She rushed to hospital but, when she arrived, doctors confirmed she was in labour but they couldn’t find her baby’s heartbeat on the monitor.
Kathriona says: “I felt like I was in a nightmare. It was the most surreal and harrowing thing I’ve ever had to do. When she was born, the nurses let me hold her. She seemed so perfect and I wanted to hold her forever.”
Nurses then cleaned Gloria and the chaplain carried out a blessing and naming service, as the family had requested. Kathriona says: “After the blessing, the nurses guided us to a room where Gloria was placed in a cuddle cot. They showed us how it worked and left us to grieve. Initially I struggled to cope, and the next morning I had a panic attack and tried to run away. It was a fight or flight reaction, but my husband calmed me down and I realised I needed to spend more time with Gloria.
SAYING GOODBYE
“We stayed with her for five days and also brought our families to the hospital to say goodbye to her. They all thought she was beautiful. It was incredibly sad and explaining it to Imelda was heart-wrenching.
“We’d sit up at night and discuss whether she had her daddy’s eyes or my nose and we’d cuddle her loads.”
After five days, Kathriona finally felt ready to say goodbye to her little girl.
She says: “I couldn’t bear the thought of Gloria being dirty when we left her, so I asked to have a bath with her. As I sat cradling my daughter, I knew it was time to leave.
“But I have memories of her that I can draw on in the dark times. That’s why cuddle cots are so important.”
Kathriona – who is due to give birth to a girl in June – adds: “No parent should have to experience a stillbirth, but I’m so grateful we got to spend time with Gloria.”