is this the uk’s happiest step-family?
As rocker Rod Stewart and wife Penny Lancaster make headlines after being pictured enjoying a family outing together with his ex-wife Rachel Hunter and their son, Closer examines the rise of ‘blended’ step-families and meets a group who are making it work
With step-families becoming the fastest growing family type in the UK, it’s easy to picture households torn apart by arguments and bitterness as they struggle to come to terms with new set-ups.
One in three couples now have at least one step-child, yet navigating relationships with them and ex-partners doesn’t have to be fraught. In fact, the term “blended family” is becoming increasingly common.
It’s an unusual set-up, but one that Ali Newbury can easily relate to. She hit it off with her ex-husband Miles’ second wife, Carly Weldon, from the moment they met. Over the past 15 years, they’ve regularly holidayed together and see each other at least once a week. They’re also godmothers to each other’s kids.
When Carly’s marriage to Miles, 50, hit the rocks, it was Ali who supported her through the divorce and helped her plan for the future. As Carly, 41, says: “I was in pieces – she picked me up and put me back together again.”
Now, in a further twist, friendship has blossomed between the two exes and Miles’ new wife, Julie – with all three women and Miles regularly meeting up to celebrate birthdays and other events with their extended families.
‘completely normal’
As Ali, 43, a hairdresser, who lives near Carly and Miles in Poole, explains: “People can’t believe how well we all get along. But for us it’s completely normal. We’ve got five kids between us, who think of themselves as full siblings. I think it works so well because Carly, me and Miles had all moved on from our respective relationships, so there is no jealousy or bitterness – we just all want it to work for the children.”
And Julie, 49, adds: “I don’t see a problem. It’s good for the kids, it makes Miles’ life easier, and I like Carly and Ali. We all just get on with each other.”
Psychologist Lisa Doodson, from step-parenting support website Happy Steps and author of How To Be A Happy Stepmum, says: “Divorce is no longer taboo and therefore there are far more blended families – where step-parents and children are involved. You can make it work although, on average, it takes four years for a status quo to be established.
“I’ve seen a rise in the number of people who are managing to make it work because it’s more the norm – although very few people are able to do that straight away. It’s often very difficult in the beginning – which is completely normal.”
staying friendly
When Ali split with Miles 19 years ago, she was determined they would remain friendly – not least for the sake of their son Ashley, now 20. They’d been together for six years, but had grown apart. So when Carly Weldon, now 41, a retired civil servant, came along two months later and moved in with Miles, Ali’s overwhelming emotion was relief that he was happy. By then she had a new
❛WE ALL HAVE A LOT IN COMMON AND WE WANT TO SET THE KIDS A GOOD EXAMPLE❜
partner too. Even so, she didn’t expect to grow so close to Carly.
Ali, who also has a daughter, Anya, 13, and son Reece, 15, explains: “Carly’s my sort of person. And when we had children close together – I had Reece with my new partner, and Carly had Ben with Miles just a few months later – we started doing everything together. Reece and Ben are like full brothers.
“None of us are jealous. We have a lot in common and we want to set the children a good example. We feel the same about parenting, so the potential to fall out over child rearing simply isn’t there.” Carly adds: “I never felt threatened by Ali. If they’d have wanted to be together, they’d never have split up. Miles made it clear it was in the past and Ali quickly became my best friend.
“We’ve seen each other through serious illness and looked after each other’s kids. When Ali split with Reece and Anya’s father, I sat down with Ali to break the news to her children. But we’ve had a lot of laughs along the way, too!” SUPPORTIVE And when Carly split from Miles – who works for an Alzheimer’s charity – in 2007, she and Ali helped him find love again by setting him up on dates.
Ali says: “It’s sad when any marriage ends, even if it’s amicable. I helped Carly by listening to her, and Miles by trying to find him new love.”
Now Miles is happily married to Julie, and Carly to Lewis, 31 – with whom she has a son, William, six – and Ali is with a new partner, Peter, 45.
The step-family certainly buck the trend. Counsellor Peter Saddington has previously listed interfering exes as one of the top three reasons for new marriages breaking down, behind money problems and affairs.
Meanwhile, Miles is relieved all three women get on. He says: “It’s always been amicable. There’s the occasional fallingout, but they are always minor. We treasure the harmony too much to risk it.”