HELPING YOUR FRIEND IF SHE’S WITH THE WRONG MAN

When you worry about your best pal’s choice of partner, be sure to handle it carefully

Your best mate is your confidante, partner in crime and the one person you can call crying about your ex at 3am. But even watertight friendships have an Achilles heel, and it’s often boyfriends.

Sometimes your friend’s choice of partner simply doesn’t fit the expectations you had for her, or the way he treats her may appear to be making your sassy sidekick lose confidence. Knowing how to handle this is key, and that begins with first exploring why you feel this way.

COMMON GROUND

It’s totally understandable to feel a little jealous when your best mate starts spending a lot of time with a guy. If he is treating her well and she’s happy, then your feelings aren’t about him at all – they are simply about you adjusting to this new situation.

Ask her to plan in some quality time for you to spend together. Also, try to find some common ground between you and her man; after all, you clearly have the same good taste in people. Getting to know him and spending time with them as a couple can reduce the negative feelings and actually lead to whole new friendships.

BE SUPPORTIVE

If you know that your bestie is being treated badly but insists on sticking by her man, tread carefully. Firstly, don’t make the mistake of bitching about him to her. While you may have a long list of examples to back up your feelings, this could shut down the communication between you and rob her of your support.

Instead, when she discusses him negatively, let her talk, and tell her you love her, that you’ll always be there for her and say she deserves to be happy.

If he puts her down in front of you, calmly disagree and offer a positive example that contradicts his comments. This way you’re showing her that you’re on her side without causing any conflict. Should she confide that she’s unhappy with her boyfriend, try to acknowledge her feelings without any judgement, instead, simply listen and agree with any points that she makes using statements like “Yes, I understand that you feel he puts you down” as this will make her feel heard and will also give her the breathing space she needs to consider her next move.

Finally, don’t withdraw your friendship – no matter how annoyed you feel by the situation. Treat her as you would wish to be treated if you found yourself in a similar position. Leaving a secure relationship – even one that isn’t right – is no easy task.