Will a new baby ruin your relationship?
Amy Childs recently split from her partner just six weeks after having daughter Polly, and according to our survey, as many as 1 in 6 Closer readers say their relationship almost broke down following the arrival of a child
REAL LIFE
W henstar Amy reality Childs,TV 27, announced the birth of her daughter Polly on 30 May, she gushed that her partner Bradley Wright, 25, was a brilliant father. But the couple split just a few weeks later and Amy admitted the baby had put too much pressure on their relationship. She claimed she was doing all the work and Bradley was sleeping in a separate room.
In an interview, she said of her ex: “I became more like a friend and his mum... I was doing the bottles, cleaning and doing his dinner.” The couple got together in 2013 but broke up two years later when Bradley was jailed for handling stolen goods. They reunited in 2016 but, following Polly’s birth, the split seems permanent. Amy added: “Even when he came home from work he’d have a cuddle with her but then he’d go upstairs. When she was crying in the night, he wouldn’t come in and say, ‘Can I help?’ It was always me.”
HUGE PRESSURE
Bradley has said of the separation: “I wasn’t Amy’s priority. If Amy feels like I wasn’t helping with Polly it was because I’ve been very busy with work.” An exclusive survey for Closer by Onepulse, the mobile research app, reveals Amy’s situation is far from unique, with one in six readers
admitting a new baby pushed
their relationship to the brink,
or made them end things. Babycentre website’s relationship expert Andrew Marshall, author of I Love You But You Always Put Me Last: How To Childproof Your Marriage, says: “The problem is that often couples don’t see each other’s point of view. While the woman might be exhausted and feeling that she’s doing everything for the baby, the man might feel under huge pressure to be the provider. Often they don’t communicate or feel ready to listen to the other person.” Andrew adds: “It’s easy for the woman to feel dismissive about this. But it’s natural for a man to feel jealous, and it’s important to discuss these new emotions with each other. Our survey also showed one in three women were aware their partner felt neglected, while one in five realised their other half was jealous. “Our care and attention are solely directed towards the new baby. Naturally, the baby needs to be cared for, but don’t neglect your relationship – your children will eventually grow up to lead their own lives. Your marriage should be forever.”
SPLITTING UP
For Anna Tiatous*, 21, from Crawley, it’s an all-too-familiar scenario. She and her boyfriend of four years, barman Ben*, 21, were planning to marry and had their first child in December. But two months after their baby, Adam*, now six months, was born, they split. Anna explains: “We had been best friends for years as our parents were friends. Eventually we started dating and fell in love.
“Two years ago, on Valentine’s Day, Ben gave me a promise ring and we agreed we’d have children before we were 25 as we both wanted to be young parents. And we started living together at the beginning of last year.”
The couple stopped using contraception and in March 2016, Anna discovered she was pregnant.
She remembers: “I took a picture of the pregnancy test result and sent it to Ben. He rang me immediately and we were both so excited. We bought clothes and a crib together. He was involved in all the preparations.
“My pregnancy affected our relationship. We couldn’t do as much together – such as going for dinner and clubbing – because I was tired, but I assumed that was temporary.”
Ben was by her side during her two-hour labour and seemed delighted by his son Adam’s arrival on 11 December.
Anna says: “In the first few days we were both very happy. I both breast and bottle fed and he’d do some of the night feeds
and change nappies.” However, the relationship quickly deteriorated.
LESS SEX, MORE JEALOUSY
Anna, who’s on maternity leave from her airport job, says: “About a month in he became jealous of the attention I was giving Adam and started to avoid being with us.
“I admit my priorities had shifted and Adam was my world. Ben and I were still having sex but it was less frequent and I was tense because I was worried about waking Adam.
“I was too tired to stay awake to wait for Ben to come home from work in the evening or have a decent conversation with him in the morning. Although we had a new baby in common, suddenly we had nothing to say to each other. He didn’t seem to take any pleasure in being with me, though he did love Adam.
“We argued a lot about him going out so much, and when he carried on doing it, I stopped caring and didn’t have the energy to work things out.”
Just two and a half months after the birth, Anna left the flat they shared and moved in with her mum. She says: “It breaks my heart that we aren’t together any more. We still see each other but I find it difficult to trust him; he wasn’t there for me when I was vulnerable. “I wish I’d given Ben more attention and made more of an effort, but I’d rather be a single mum than in an unhappy relationship.”