‘i wore extra clothes to hide my anorexia’ Sophia during her anorexia battle

Mum-of-one Sophia Sims, now 40, silently battled anorexia for two years before realising she needed help. She lives in Nottingham with her husband Paul, 45, and her son Jacob, 11.

She says: “If someone had ever said I’d end up with an eating disorder, I wouldn’t have believed them. I’d always been comfortable in my own skin.

“But when I was 30 and married with a one-year-old son, I was diagnosed with a heart condition, which left me feeling like I’d lost some control over my life. So I started cutting out ‘unhealthy’ foods like cakes, thinking I was taking command of my condition. I was shocked when I eventually realised I was becoming obsessive. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t.

“I’d choose one thing to eat for a month, for example sugar-free jelly, and nothing else. An operation cured my heart condition 18 months after I was diagnosed, but by then my obsessiveness was out of control. In the space of two years I lost over a third of my body weight, but still managed to function. I was working as a nurse, looking after my son and carrying on with life.

“I could see my bones sticking out, but I could also pinch what I perceived to be fat – it was of course just skin. I was convinced I looked huge. One friend asked me what was going on and I admitted my eating was out of control, but I was in denial that it was anorexia – I was a 30-something nurse, not a vulnerable teenage girl.

MAKING EXCUSES

“I went from being confident and outgoing to being really shy. I managed to hide my anorexia from my husband for two years. I’d wear layers of clothes all year round, even in bed, so he didn’t realise how thin I was. As I got worse I’d make excuses to avoid eating with him. I’d shrunk from a size 12-14 to wearing clothes for pre-teens. I was covered in fine downy hair, but I was so good at hiding my body that he never knew and at the time we weren’t having sex.

“But he had noticed that my personality had changed – I’d gone from being confident and outgoing to shy, hating going out unless I had to. He’d ask what was wrong and I’d fob him off with excuses. I was deeply in denial that I was anorexic and too ashamed to ask for help.

“I’d wake up every day determined that I’d make myself have a ‘normal’ diet and ‘get better.’ But having an eating disorder doesn’t work like that – I couldn’t do it and then I’d hate myself afterwards.

“In April 2009 I visited a walkin eating disorder centre in secret as I was getting worse all the time and I didn’t feel safe looking after Jacob as I was so dizzy. They told me I needed help, that I’d done well acknowledging my problem and that I needed treatment, so would need to tell my husband. In a way it was a huge relief, but terrifying that I was confronting the problem.

GETTING HELP

“The weekend before I went to the centre, I’d tried to carry Jacob upstairs to bed and almost fainted – that’s when I knew I was in a really bad way. “The night before I went in, in June 2009, I finally confessed to my husband that I was anorexic. It was very hard to do – I’d lied to him for the past two years. He was astonished and very upset. I spent 18 months in and out of hospital. When I came out for the last time I was fully recovered and now have a healthy relationship with food again, thanks to the counselling and treatment I received.

“I had to rebuild my marriage – my husband lost trust in me after I’d consistently lied to him. I’m lucky that I found the courage to get help. I could easily have continued to ignore my issues and suffered permanent damage to my health. I hope other people who are hiding eating issues read my story and realise it can happen to anyone. I’m back to a size 12 and happier than ever. It can be done.”

❛i was getting worse and didn’t feel safe looking after my son❜