RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF
To determine just how well you and your partner are really working as a couple, Emma Kenny recommends you dig a little deeper…
How do you argue? Healthy partnerships deal with conflict constructively, so while you may disagree and feel hurt by your other half’s actions, when you argue, you listen to each other. Take time to reflect, then institute changes to ensure a more harmonious relationship. If you always row about the same issues, or feel unsatisfied unless you’ve argued your partner into submission, you need to make changes. If you feel threatened or afraid during rows, end things.
Next ask yourself, how do you make decisions? Nothing should be hidden and both partners should feel their ideas are important. If you usually lead things, give your other half more responsibility, or you’ll start resenting them and they’ll feel controlled. If your partner makes big decisions without your consent that affect you, address this, as it leaves you feeling as if you have little control.
Do you discuss the future? There is no point falling in love with a guy who doesn’t want children when you absolutely do, for example. If your man won’t discuss where he hopes your relationship will go and what he wants from life, he may not be sure about the longevity of your partnership. Time to talk!
Are you dependent? Having your own friends and interests is healthy, but being so self-reliant that you neglect your partner’s feelings isn’t, so balance is key. If their mates and social life take priority over you, rethink the worth of your relationship. If your man wants to be with you all the time and you feel suffocated, discuss that, as you both need a little breathing space.
Are you affectionate? Being kissed and cuddled is proven to make us feel calmer and happier, so great relationships are tactile. If yours isn’t, bring it up so that your partner understands it is important. If they used to be affectionate, but stopped, they may not be feeling as connected to you as they were before, so discussing it is essential. Some people can be too affectionate, so partners feel smothered. Talk openly about what works for you.
Does your plus one have your back? They don’t have to always agree with you, but when they don’t, they should respectfully explain why. Whatever your partner thinks, they should make you feel safe and supported – they shouldn’t side with others against you. In the long-term, that will make you feel isolated. If you’ve noticed it happening, explain how it makes you feel.