RESIST CRITICISING A FRIEND’S PARTNER

How should you react if your pal keeps complaining about her other half? Emma explains her golden rules

Ihave a big mouth, I and over the years I have had to learn to muzzle it, because it turns out honesty isn't always the best policy. This relates in particular to a friend I used to have, who would complain about her man pretty much every time I met her. In the end, I started agreeing that he may not be right for her, eventually adding my reasons for feeling that way. Three weeks later, her engagement was plastered all over social media and – you guessed it – I didn't get an evening invite to the wedding.

Striking a balance between being honest and hurtful isn’t easy, but as you will only be getting one side of the story, trying to be objective and neutral is best. Rather than agreeing with your friend, simply suggest that you can understand why she may be feeling frustrated or hurt. If she asks for your opinion, explain that you just want her to be happy and will support her however she needs. That will stop her automatically assuming that you dislike her partner, even when you are agreeing with her complaints about him.

Of course, if your friend confides that her man is physically or emotionally abusive, it is absolutely essential that you tell her to remove herself from the relationship, because this type of partnership will only end destructively. The golden rule is to let your friend know that you want what’s best for her, and ask her if – when she looks objectively at her relationship – she feels that’s what’s she’s really getting from it.