WOULD LIKE TO MEET...
Closer’s dating expert, Rebecca Twomey, learns a valuable lesson about living in the moment and not planning too far ahead...
’ve got an “in joke” I with my single friends where, after one date, we imagine our entire life with that person, even though we’ve only shared a bottle of wine. Obviously I don’t advise telling your date about your plans to redesign his kitchen or what dog you’d like to get together, but I’ve always thought that if you can’t envisage being in a relationship with a date, what’s the point of meeting them?
My agenda is set and I’m looking for a partner. But I’m having to retrain myself not to think so far ahead and instead take things as they are in the here and now rather than trying to work out where it’s all going after a few messages or meetups. I’m in the painful process of getting over someone who I recently called it quits with because we didn’t want the same life together. Since I ignored his last two messages, he’s made sure I’ve found out he’s now with someone else. It stings, but
it was the jolt I needed to push on and keep dating. The next hurdle is battling my paralysing fear of getting hurt again.
Last weekend, an old acquaintance – whom I’ve always fancied – asked to meet. Instead of stressing out, I decided not to worry about whether we could have a relationship together, or if he’d get on with my friends, and just took it for what it was – a drink with a man. The fact I still had wet hair and was wearing a T-shirt, jeans and flip flops when I met him took off all the pressure. And I had a really good time. He’s been in touch, but nothing has been set up in terms of date number two. And that’s OK – he can’t give me a blueprint for how things will work between us, and I need time to think things through at a normal pace. Just because I’m ready for a relationship, doesn’t mean the guys I meet are. If I never see him again, that’s fine. I’d really like to, but I had a lovely few hours with him and, right now, I need to just enjoy those moments and stay positive, whatever happens next.