Closer’s dat­ing ex­pert, Re­becca Twomey, learns a valu­able les­son about liv­ing in the mo­ment and not plan­ning too far ahead...

Closer (UK) - - Life Balance -


’ve got an “in joke” I with my sin­gle friends where, af­ter one date, we imag­ine our en­tire life with that per­son, even though we’ve only shared a bot­tle of wine. Ob­vi­ously I don’t ad­vise telling your date about your plans to re­design his kitchen or what dog you’d like to get to­gether, but I’ve al­ways thought that if you can’t en­vis­age be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with a date, what’s the point of meet­ing them?

My agenda is set and I’m look­ing for a part­ner. But I’m hav­ing to re­train my­self not to think so far ahead and in­stead take things as they are in the here and now rather than try­ing to work out where it’s all go­ing af­ter a few mes­sages or mee­tups. I’m in the painful process of get­ting over some­one who I re­cently called it quits with be­cause we didn’t want the same life to­gether. Since I ig­nored his last two mes­sages, he’s made sure I’ve found out he’s now with some­one else. It stings, but

it was the jolt I needed to push on and keep dat­ing. The next hur­dle is bat­tling my paralysing fear of get­ting hurt again.

Last week­end, an old ac­quain­tance – whom I’ve al­ways fan­cied – asked to meet. In­stead of stress­ing out, I de­cided not to worry about whether we could have a re­la­tion­ship to­gether, or if he’d get on with my friends, and just took it for what it was – a drink with a man. The fact I still had wet hair and was wear­ing a T-shirt, jeans and flip flops when I met him took off all the pres­sure. And I had a re­ally good time. He’s been in touch, but noth­ing has been set up in terms of date num­ber two. And that’s OK – he can’t give me a blue­print for how things will work be­tween us, and I need time to think things through at a nor­mal pace. Just be­cause I’m ready for a re­la­tion­ship, doesn’t mean the guys I meet are. If I never see him again, that’s fine. I’d re­ally like to, but I had a lovely few hours with him and, right now, I need to just en­joy those mo­ments and stay pos­i­tive, what­ever hap­pens next.

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