Una & Ben “We drive each other insane & we work at our marriage”
She was in girl band The Saturdays and he was an England rugby player – but life for Una Healy and Ben Foden is now very much family-focused. Una, 36, and Ben, 32, married in 2012 and have daughter Aoife, five, and three-year-old son Tadhg. While the couple are clearly smitten with their children – and each other – they also admit that family life and keeping your relationship rosy can be tough. Here, Una and Ben give Closer their tips for how to survive parenthood…
1
GET ORGANISED Ben, “Becoming a dad has made me realise how important it is to be organised. We both have full-on jobs – with my rugby training and Una’s music career – so we have to plan who’s doing the school run and who’s with the kids when the other is away or at work.”
Una, “I’m naturally a very organised person, whereas Ben is a little more laid-back. He has got better, though! We’re always planning in advance, so if I’m away on a tour, then Ben is around to take care of the kids and vice versa.”
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MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER Una, “As parents, it’s so easy to get swept up in it all and forget that you’re actually a couple. We’re good at making time for each other, though – we’ll have date nights where we go out for a lovely dinner or even have cosy nights in when the grandparents have the kids.”
Ben, “We also have a tradition of going away just the two of us once a year – whether it’s just for the weekend or a week-long holiday. We went to Malta last year, and we’re going to New York this year to celebrate our six-year wedding anniversary.”
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PRACTISE TEAMWORK Ben, “When you become parents, you automatically become more of a team. It’s both of your responsibilities to look after this little person and you’ve got to work together. You’ve have to communicate and help each other out when you need it, so everything can go smoothly.”
Una, “I keep Ben in check – I’ll write him lists to do when I’m away, and even if I’m on a different time zone, I’ll text him saying, ‘Are you at the school gates?’. It’s so important to know who’s doing what.”
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USE YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK Una, “We’re lucky enough to have incredible family and friends who help us out when we need it. With our jobs, we’re sometimes both away, which means that grandparents come in handy. It helps having support when we have our date nights and couple time, too.”
Ben, “Una has a big family – 54 first cousins, in fact – so we would never be short of a helping hand if we needed it. We’re very coordinated with planning, but the help from family and friends if we need it is invaluable, too.”
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WORK AT YOUR MARRIAGE Una, “Don’t get me wrong – we drive each other insane and we work at our marriage. I’m super-organised and like to have everything done ASAP, whereas Ben is very chilled out. Sometimes, I find myself ranting and trying to get a reaction out of him, but he just doesn’t get worked up. He never moans, whereas I do.”
Ben, “I’m notoriously lazy, and usually when I’ve been at training all day, all I want to do is mellow out on the sofa, which drives Una mad. But I make an effort to help out around the house and do the bins. Una also uses me as a vent sometimes, but I just let her rant and then she calms down.”
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STAY ACTIVE Ben, “It’s so easy to just put self-care aside and forget about exercising. But both Una and I have always been very active people, so we always make sure we squeeze in some fitness. I train a lot for my rugby, so I’m always exercising, but we’ll get out and about with the kids, too.”
Una, “I was active before I became a mum and – apart from the six weeks after my C-sections where I couldn’t walk – I’ve been exercising ever since. I squeeze in gym sessions between the school run and work. It’s important for the kids to learn about healthy lifestyles from us, so we want to set an example.”
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MAKE TIME TO RELAX Una, “Finding time to sleep is vital. You get sleep deprived when you have newborns – becoming a parent has given me a whole new appreciation for rest. It’s also essential to give yourself downtime by watching TV or doing a face mask after a busy day.”
Ben, “We love our sleep. We’ve actually trained our kids to love their lie-ins, too. On Sundays, we’ll always sleep in, and Aoife is even in the habit of getting her little brother Tadhg up to help us out!”
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KEEP IT FUN! Una, “You shouldn’t lose your fun side just because you become a mum. It’s so important to set aside nights where you can glam up and go out with the girls. I have a Whatsapp group with the mums from Aoife’s school called “Bad Moms”. We have wild nights out – the last one, we were up until 4am dancing round the kitchen!”
Ben, “It’s vital to make time for your friends. I’ll still do the odd boys night and let off some steam, and then I’ll stay in with the kids when Una does her girls nights.”
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STOP WORRYING Una, “I’m a worrier – always have been – and becoming a parent just made it more intense. You feel your child’s pain for them even more than if it was yourself. It’s quite good because it keeps me organised, but I do need to worry less, really.”
Ben, “We balance each other out. Every now and then, I’ll make sure Una chills out and doesn’t stress about silly things. It’s pressure being in charge of two little people, but you can’t overthink things all the time.”
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LAUGH AT EACH OTHER Ben, “We wind each other up and don’t take anything too seriously. We’ve been through a lot together, and when things get stressful or we argue, we look at each other and just laugh about it .”
Una, “Our friends find it funny how we bicker. We make each other laugh, which lightens things up. Ben used to say he never wanted to be one of those parents whose kids have chocolate around their faces and are screaming – but we laugh about how that’s us now.”
‘We have date nights so we don’t forget we’re a couple’