Closer’s dat­ing ex­pert, Rebecca Twomey, calls off her search for The One, but not be­cause she’s found the per­fect per­son

Closer (UK) - - Wellbeing -

Dis­ney is to blame for D my first and sec­ond heart­breaks. If you watched Cin­derella and Sleep­ing Beauty as a child, you’ll un­der­stand. But th­ese fairy tales have also set me up for ro­man­tic dis­ap­point­ments, as I se­cretly still be­lieve that one day my prince will come, and when he does, we’ll live hap­pily ever af­ter.

When I turned to Pro­fes­sor Viren Swami – au­thor of At­trac­tion Ex­plained: The Sci­ence of How We Form Re­la­tion­ships – for rea­son­ing on why my prince, aka The One, hasn’t ap­peared, he told me it was time I stopped be­liev­ing in the myth.

“Hol­ly­wood makes ro­mance and love seem easy,” he said. “That it will just hap­pen and, when it does, life will be per­fect.” He went on to ex­plain that there’s never go­ing to be just one per­son who is right for me. “Dis­ney pro­motes the idea of there be­ing one spe­cial

per­son for you and you should wait for that per­fect love. Men and women are both vic­tims to this false ide­ol­ogy – be­liev­ing that wait­ing for the per­fect per­son is the right thing to do, and ev­ery­thing in your life will be fixed by be­ing with them.”

Dat­ing apps are play­ing on this fan­tasy, en­cour­ag­ing us to keep swip­ing un­til you find the per­son who’ll trans­form your world. This is why we’re now jump­ing from one ca­sual re­la­tion­ship to an­other – be­cause we can’t find the per­son who makes ev­ery­thing OK, but we keep try­ing to find ex­actly that. No man is com­ing to res­cue me. I’m try­ing to ac­cept that my life won’t sud­denly be amaz­ing or my lone­li­ness quenched just be­cause I’ve got a boyfriend. It’s not for him to chase away all the de­mons in my life. But what I can do is look for some­one who can help me laugh and smile de­spite them. ● Pro­fes­sor Swami is speak­ing about dat­ing at the Bri­tish Sci­ence Fes­ti­val on 11-14 Septem­ber. Visit www. british­science­fes­ti­val.org

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