DON’T BE SCARED TO SAY HOW YOU FEEL

Research has found that polite Brits hide their feelings 11 times a week. Emma says we need to be brave and speak up

Nine in 10 of us hold N our tongues rather than speaking our minds. It’s good not to sweat the small stuff, but when we feel hurt, let down or scared, it’s best to voice our feelings, because silence gives someone permission to behave a certain way. My hubby is naturally a shouter, so his first line of defence is volume. I don’t like being shouted at, so the first time he did it, I told him that I would end the relationship should it happen again. When someone upsets you, rather than saying, “You have made me feel hurt”, which is blame orientated, say, “I feel hurt when you tell me I’m not doing my job”. You are taking responsibility for your own feelings and giving them a chance to explain themselves. If your boss, best friend or partner hurts your feelings, you could worry you’ll lose your career, relationship or friendship by speaking up, but it’s OK to disagree. If you are afraid to challenge people, you are at risk of being bullied. You simply have a different perspective that deserves to be heard. If your boss doesn’t think you have worked hard enough, calmly evidence why you feel they are wrong and ask for advice on how to reach their standards. If your partner is constantly late, tell them it makes you feel you aren’t a priority – they may not have even realised. It’s also OK to wait and think about whether to respond. If you’re playing the scenario over and over in your mind, write down what’s upset you, practise explaining it calmly, and ask to meet up. It’s scary to challenge people, but so worth it.