Marnie: “My dad’s death has given me terrible anxiety”
Geordie Shore’s Marnie Simpson opens up to Closer’s psychological therapist Emma Kenny about losing her father last year and how trolls caused her to turn to surgery MARNIE SIMPSON ON THE COUCH :
Tell me about your childhood? I grew up with my mam, we’re very close. I saw my dad whenever I wanted to, but my relationship with him wasn’t as close, as he got married to someone else and had two children. I hated school, I used to skip classes all the time, I never sat my GCSES and I had no interest academically. Do you regret not working harder at school? I wish I’d got some qualifications. I’ve been so lucky to have Geordie Shore to fall back on. How does that affect you? Less so now I’m getting older, but a few years ago, it was really bad. I was constantly worried I’d be replaced in the public eye by someone better looking or with a bigger personality. It made me anxious. I also suffered really bad trolling about my appearance, which made me feel awful. You’ve had some plastic surgery [Marnie has had a breast uplift, two nose jobs and facial fillers]. Did the trolls contribute to that decision? Definitely. I can’t remember worrying about the things I’ve now changed before I went on TV. I was getting to a point where surgery became like getting my make-up done. I’d fix one thing and then want to fix something else. I got to a really dark place – I didn’t even want to leave the house because my confidence was so low. How do you feel about surgery now? It got to the point where my mam said, “I love you, but this needs to stop” and then I got some of my fillers dissolved. Now I realise that there’s more to life than the way you look. I don’t even look at the negative comments any more. Has dating in the public eye been hard? Yes, I didn’t know who to trust. I have been in bad relationships before. One of my ex-boyfriends took advantage of me, he cheated and he was abusive – physically and mentally. He was horrible. I didn’t put up with it for long, but at the beginning I was so obsessed with him. I’m with Casey [Johnson, a former X Factor star] now and, while we are on-and-off, he’s a lovely guy. You’ve said before that you struggle with anxiety, tell me about that. I get it all the time, it’s really bad. It’s worse at night and I can’t sleep because I keep thinking something bad will happen. I always think that someone close to me or one of my dogs will die. Where does it stem from? My dad died last year, he was only 49. He was a drinker and had underlying heart disease, but it still came completely out of the blue. You had no warning of his death and obviously that can trigger anxiety and a fear of losing people close to you. I still carry a lot of regret about my relationship with my dad. Because he was married to my step-mam and had two boys with her, I always shut him out. When he got divorced, he did try with me, but he used to drink a lot and I used to push him out of my life. I really regret that now. I can understand you feel guilt, but you were probably trying to protect yourself. He’d hurt you in the past by having another family and drinking heavily, so while it’s natural to feel guilt, you also have to Yeah I can see that. It was only last year so it’s still fresh. The death anxiety is hard to cope with and it’s terrifying. How did you cope with your dad dying? I took a step back from TV. I needed time out to mentally relax and get away from it. I wanted time to grieve peacefully and privately. Now, all I’ve got is Mam, so I think that’s one of the reasons I want children soon, hopefully that will happen in the next few years. Have you changed a lot since your Geordie Shore days? “I feel like I’m 26 going on 36! I don’t really drink much at all any more, I’m usually at home watching X Factor most of the time, I see a club and think, “No thanks!”
“Talking to Emma has made me realise I need to tackle my anxiety and she’s talked me through various treatments. She’s also helped me reframe the way I think about my relationship with my dad and I will try to remember the happy times. I’m at a good place in my life, and now I want people to see the real me – not the drunk girl from Geordie Shore.”