HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH YOUR CHILDREN

Emma Thompson wrote a sexual care guide for her daughter Gaia when she was ten, where she called sex “shavoom” and porn the ‘Kingdom of Ick” – but Closer’s Emma says you should keep it simple!

Istarted I discussing sex and relationships with my boys at four, firstly with topics like safe and unsafe touch. For my generation, sex was shrouded in shame – with parents saying things like “masturbation makes you go blind”. I’m educating my sons, not scaring them.

TEACH WHAT MATTERS

If you ask my boys about sex, they will tell you that as long as both people consent, you treat the other party with respect and practise safe sex, it is just adult play. Where masturbation is concerned, they know it’s fulfilling and normal.

Recently, actress Emma Thompson revealed that she created new words to talk about sex with daughter Gaia, calling intercourse “shavoom” and uncomfortable feelings around sex as “icky”. I applaud Emma’s intentions, but I worry that by inventing new words, you build sex up too much. It’s just another human experience, and the more comfortable we can make it for our kids to discuss it, the happier they will feel about having honest conversations with us, which is far better than them asking their school friends.

GIVE THEM VALUES

My boys know that sexting under 18 is illegal and they recognise that if they take a naked selfie, they may have to sign the sex offenders’ register. They know if somebody drinks too much they can’t give consent. I have these conversations because while I want them to enjoy sex when they feel ready, I want them to do it safely and to recognise that it is their job to make sure their partner has a good time too. Since they were six and eight, we have discussed sexual identity, LGBTQ rights and a host of other issues. I hope this will ensure they see everyone as an individual, without prejudice.

ASK QUESTIONS

If you haven’t talked about sex with your kids, start by discussing issues in the news, or asking them about relationships they see at school. The earlier you begin, the easier it becomes. Ask them a question about how they feel about porn, consent or STIS. If, as a parent, you’re cool with the subject matter, the likelihood is they will be too.