‘We were just coasting – and I wanted more than that’
For Judith Clay, as the year 2017 began, she only had one resolution – to end her marriage to her husband of six years, Simon*. Judith, 35, a copywriter from Hampshire, says, “The New Year is such a reflective time and I knew things had to change. We’d had a nice Christmas and New Year but, while I was smiling on the outside, inside I just wasn’t happy. We’d got together when we were young and our relationship had moved so fast. Now we were a bit older and wiser, we were just coasting and I wanted more than that. And I didn’t want our son TJ, who was 15 months old, to grow up in a negative environment, either. I had to end things. Life’s too short.”
Simon and Judith had met in 2006 in a bar in London through mutual friends. They started dating and, despite having different interests, they got on really well.
She says, “Simon was really into fitness. He’d go for runs in the morning, where I preferred to have a lie-in. He was the opposite of the type of man I usually went for, but we bounced off each other.”
GROWING APART
The couple had been together for just a year when they got engaged and then went travelling around Australia. When they got back, they planned a big wedding for October 2010, at a vineyard in Surrey. In 2015, Judith fell pregnant and gave birth to son, TJ, now three, in October that year – but that’s when the cracks in their relationship started to show.
Judith says, “We both adored our little boy and Simon was a brilliant, hands- on dad. But I’d had a bad labour, leading to me having an emergency C-section, and afterwards I struggled mentally. Simon was helpful, but I felt he couldn’t understand what I’d been through or give me the emotional support I needed. We began to grow apart. As a new mum, my priorities had changed and I didn’t have much time for him, either. Small things would upset and annoy me and we became more like housemates. I realised that up until now, things had been exciting. We went from travelling, to planning a wedding and lovely holidays. Now normal life had kicked in and I couldn’t help but think, ‘Is this really it?’”
And as the New Year in 2017 got underway, things came to a head for Judith.
She says, “I knew that we couldn’t carry on like we had been. I sat him down and said, ‘I think we’re done here, aren’t
we?’ He nodded sadly, but looked relieved. We were both upset, but promised to keep things friendly.”
For the next few months, the couple stayed living together until they sold their house. And while Simon remained in London, Judith moved back to Hampshire and they agreed to co-parent their son.
Judith says, “I began to feel liberated by my decision to split with Simon. I’d often let him make the decisions in our relationship, now I was putting myself first.”
OPTIMISTIC
And on New Year’s Eve last year, to ring in 2018 and celebrate the changes she’d made, Judith went to the pub with friends.
She recalls, “I was so much happier than I’d been at the start of the year. I knew I’d made the right decision and was optimistic for the year ahead.”
Recently, Judith has started dating again.
She says, “I’ve had a few dates, some good, some bad, and it’s been fun. But I’m in no rush to meet anyone, I’m enjoying being single. Simon has met someone and they are much better suited than we ever were. We’re not divorced yet as we’re waiting until we’ve lived apart for two years so we can apply for a no-fault divorce. It wasn’t an easy decision to end my marriage, but it was the right one and I am proud of myself for doing it.
“I’d encourage any woman who feels the way I do, to put their happiness first. You only get one life – make it a happy one.”