‘I was devastated – but now I’m much stronger’

Hayley Smith*, 31, had been with her fiancé, Colin*, for three years and had a 10-monthold baby, Freddie*, when their relationship suddenly fell apart.

The bank clerk, from Manchester, says, “I met Colin in June 2013, through mutual friends. We had the same dry sense of humour and, within six months, we were engaged. Everything was great.

“In April 2014, I started feeling really tired, so I took a pregnancy test. When we saw the positive result, we couldn’t have been happier. We hadn’t been together long, but we were both excited for the future.

“But Freddie’s arrival in December 2014 put a strain on us. Freddie didn’t sleep well and we were shattered. Sleep deprivation made us snappy, and there’d be the inevitable arguments about who was the most tired. Colin worked shifts at a security office, which meant I often did the night feeds alone.

“I tried to be positive, knowing it’d get easier when Freddie got older. But just 10 months after I gave birth, Colin came home one day and was acting strangely. He was really grumpy and barely spoke to me. Eventually, I asked him what was wrong, and that’s when my world turned upside down – Colin confessed that his feelings had changed and he couldn’t go on.

“Two days later, Freddie and I moved in with my parents. I couldn’t sleep and barely ate, losing a stone within a week. All I could think about was how I was going to cope as a single mother. I was terrified.

“I grew more and more depressed until one night I woke up during the early hours to feed Freddie, and I fainted. When I came to on the floor, I had no idea how long I’d been out cold for – anything could have happened to Freddie during that time, which terrified me.

“It was the wake-up call I needed. I started seeing a counsellor, and I focused all my energy on my son. Being a single mum was a daunting task, but I was determined to do my best.

“There have been testing times. Dealing with toddler tantrums, nursing him through illnesses, and picking out the right nursery would all have been easier with a partner, but I managed. Freddie is four now and we have an unbreakable bond. He’s a lovely little boy and I’m so proud of him. He sees his dad regularly and they have a great relationship.

“If I could say one thing to Josie, it’s to stay positive. Being a single mum was never the path I’d have chosen – but it’s shown me how strong I am.”