IT’S PAINFUL, BUT IT’S OK TO CUT TIES WITH FAMILY
At least 5m people in the UK have ceased contact with a family member, and yet it’s still a thorny issue, with people like Meghan Markle openly judged, Emma explains how to know when to split
After careful and painful consideration, my friend recently cut ties with her sister. She says that she feels liberated and happier than ever before as a result.
SPOT TOXIC BEHAVIOUR
That may seem inconceivable – family is supposed to be the very foundation of happiness, and without the support of your loved ones, life can feel lonely. But my friend begs to differ. Her relationship with her sister was so toxic, it left her close to a mental breakdown. Growing up, she was physically and emotionally abusive and, as an adult, her sister has stolen from her and lied so many times that it has led to long-term family feuds and fractures. Toxic people exist, and they spend their lives causing drama for those closest to them. Their behaviour can be brutal and insidious and their selfish personalities mean that they are happy to take whatever they need, from whomever they want – with or without permission.
BE COOL AND CLEAR
If you are considering cutting someone from your life, it is important to follow some rules. Make it clear that you no longer want any contact. This may provoke retaliation and other family members may be enlisted to punish you, or to coerce you into changing your position, so stand firm and accept the potential of other close losses. When you tell your relative that you are done, do it without anger or hostility. It is easier to tell that someone is serious when they are calm and controlled in their reasoning. Don’t play the blame game, instead be short and sharp when describing your reasons and ideally let them know that you see it as a clash of personalities and wish them well. Should they try to contact you, ignore them and block them on social media.
INVEST IN REAL LOVE
Ceasing contact should be your last resort, after discussing the problem, and trying to keep the relationship distant, but if all of that fails, it can provide a sense of deep empowerment. If you are treated badly, ignored, or abused by people who should love you, letting them go can mean setting yourself free to be loved in a way you deserve.