TRY TO GET ON WITH YOUR PARTNER’S MATES

One in four women reportedly hates their partner’s friends, Emma says there are tricks to dealing with bothersome buddies

We all assume we’ll W love our partner’s mates as much as they do, so when you don’t, it can be hard. If it’s a simple personality clash, socialise in small doses. Spending a weekend away together might be a stretch, but meeting for a quick G&T occasionally is hardly psychologically scarring, and gradual exposure can mean that you build bonds. If it grates that they have a longer history with your partner, being brave enough to accept it’s just envy is likely to mean you can learn to get along eventually. Don’t give your partner a “me or them” ultimatum, as friends have often been around for years and will have proven their worth repeatedly. Also, if your partner is willing to kiss long-standing friends goodbye, what would that say about their loyalty in general? If your other half’s pals are rude, share your concerns. Don’t say “he’s rude” or “she’s mean” – insulting their friends is effectively insulting them. Give examples of times you have felt upset. This will help your other half to see your perspective and result in them either taking their mates to task, or accepting that you don’t want to spend time with them. If all they do is reminisce, ask your partner to introduce different topics. Invite them to join you for activities like a country walk or a cinema visit, so you have something to discuss. If even this isn’t enjoyable, you may need to admit defeat and keep your contact with your partner’s mates minimal while accepting he will see them solo.