Sandra’s life lessons:
With hit thriller Killing Eve renewed for a fourth season, it’s clear we can’t get enough of assassin Villanelle and agent Eve Polastri, played by Korean-Canadian actress Sandra Oh, 48. Here, she talks about coping in a crisis and being the outsider…
“The only thing you can do is live moment by moment”
CHALLENGE YOURSELF
“Koreans are ambitious. It means a lot to my parents that I do the work that I do…Young Asian people who come up to me have a certain vibration, and I receive it, and I understand it, and I feel emotional just talking about it. This change is just beginning… I’m sure everyone carries the feeling of being the other. Being a Korean-Canadian growing up in Canada, being a Canadian living in America – there’s always this outsider point of view, which I really try to embrace.”
RECONNECT WITH LOVED ONES
“The most beautiful thing now is reconnecting with loved ones. This time we’re living in is bizarre and challenging and, like many people, I find myself reaching out to friends who I haven’t connected with in a long time. I’ve noticed there is a comfort with groups that I have a history with. What we’re leaning on now is our relationships. Honestly, the only thing you can do is live moment by moment – even in crisis. This is very hard to practise in everyday life, it really is, but right now I think it’s actually essential to live in that space, because the unknown is so massive.”
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TREAT SUCCESS CAREFULLY
“There’s a certain type of perceived success, but I can also see how that causes stress, how that causes conflict, and how that can cause people to lose their way. I experienced it as traumatic... Do something that scares the bejebus out of you. Whether that’s, like, speaking up, or co-hosting a major awards show (Golden Globes, 2019). That was just the most frightening thing I think I’ve ever had to do. And I killed it.”
KNOW WHEN TO SAY ‘YES’ AND ‘NO’
“I started acting professionally when I was 15. It’s not so much that it took me 30 years to get the role of Eve; it takes this long to have a career. Hopefully, with that time and with that work, eventually opportunity will come. In some ways, for me, it’s about hanging in as long as I have... Actually being able to exercise your own choice can bring about greater opportunity. I think it’s just as important what you say ‘no’ to as what you say ‘yes’ to.”
CAPITALISE ON DISSATISFACTION
“My mom saw acting as ‘low’ – that was just her thinking coming from Korea. She’s a classic east-Asian parent – constantly dissatisfied! But not being satisfied gives you drive, it’s not bad. Western society is all about being super supportive and believing in your children, but… I don’t know.”
YOU CAN’T FORCE LOVE
“I’ve spent a lot of time waiting. I’ve tried to be patient and stay true to what is it that I’m going to fall in love with… It was like, I’m just going to go on with my life, and if I fall in love… you can’t force that stuff to happen [Sandra was married to filmmaker Alexander Payne from 2003 to 2006]. It’s just, like, how do you know what the right decision is for you? What do you want love to be, now, in this middle part of your life?”
FIND YOUR SELF-CARE
“Work on your soul… I’m a highly therapised person. I pay to go away and not talk for five days. But more and more I realise that creativity comes from stillness, and you have to work at it. Self-care doesn’t necessarily mean jogging... I cut all my regular vices, but I don’t miss it. That’s what I love about getting older – your focus changes. All I care about is being on point to do the work that I love.”
CREATE YOUR OWN COMMUNITY
“Have a great team around you – a team of good friends, a team of people who you trust. I have been so lucky. I really love my family and my family really love me. I know that’s not the same for everyone, but I swear you can create your own family. To create your community and a family, I think is so important.”
‘I’ve spent a lot of time
waiting’