Is Gemma’s toxic relationship costing her her happiness?
● Gemma Collins and James ‘Arg’ Argent split again as explosive message exchanges emerge ● Fears it has ruined her baby plans and her ambition to break America ● Closer’s Emma Kenny says she could also sacrifice her long-term happiness unless she makes
She’s made no secret of the fact that her biggest dream is to start a family with on-off boyfriend James “Arg” Argent – but last week, things seemed to come crashing down for Gemma Collins when she posted a slew of cruel texts from Arg after reportedly calling it quits with him.
Gemma, 39 – who has been dating her former TOWIE co-star, 32, on and off since 2009 – shared screenshots of a toxic conversation with him, in which he branded her a “fat f***” and a “hippo” over a row about him “paying for another woman’s [dinner]”.
It was also reported that she was furious after believing he had suggested they have an “open relationship” and refusing to agree to it.
Gemma then warned fans in an Instagram post to be aware of signs of emotional abuse in a relationship – which she later deleted.
The savage messages came just weeks after Arg – who spent four months in rehab battling a cocaine addiction earlier this year – thanked Gemma for saving his life, calling her his “guardian angel” who forced him to get help when he needed it. But it looks like the pair’s relationship might not be over for good as, just 24 hours after news broke they’d split, screenshots of WhatsApp messages emerged seemingly showing Gemma apologising to Arg – writing, “I shouldn’t have put the messages up, that was anger on my part which was wrong, I am sorry about that x”.
Gemma’s best mate and TOWIE co-star Bobby Norris also hinted they could reconcile, telling Fubar radio the split “isn’t what it seems” and hinting they could get back together. But fans expressed their concern over a possible reconciliation – with one writing “Stop apologising – walk away. It’s hard but it gets easier”, and another adding, “You deserve to be happy Gem”.
BABY DREAM
The pair have been notoriously volatile since their on-off relationship began nine years ago – with blazing rows resulting in numerous splits.
But Gemma has been open about her desperation to have babies with Arg – who last year tipped the scales at 23∂st with doctors fearing for his health – saying in the TOWIE Christmas special last year, “I am ready for the next step. That is all I am waiting for in my life… I want to get married and I want to have a baby.”
Earlier this year, she insisted she would have a baby when she’s 40 – in six months time – with Arg admitting in May, “I want to get married and have children... And you’ve got to remember that Gemma’s late thirties, so she hasn’t got time to be mucking about any more.”
However, splitting permanently from Arg would cast doubt over her plan to start a family soon. Closer’s psychological therapist Emma Kenny says that this thought may encourage Gemma to give Arg another chance.
“Gemma’s made it clear that her family is her world, and all she’s ever wanted is to start one of her own,” says Emma. “It seems she’s pinned her hopes for her future happiness on
Arg, which is why she seems to keep going back to him. But given the on-off nature of their relationship, it might not be the right time to bring a baby into the world. Arg seems to have some issues that still need work on. She’s 40 next year and has previously revealed she suffers with PCOS, which can adversely affect fertility, so she may be reluctant to leave him – but you should never just be with someone because you want to have a baby. She’ll only make herself more unhappy in the long run.”
Notoriously outspoken and confident, Gemma has garnered millions of fans for her no-nonsense alter-ego, The GC – but she’s confessed in the past that her persona is just an act, and that deep down she’s “vulnerable” and “shy”.
And Gemma revealed she was “heartbroken” over Arg’s cruel jibes at her weight, saying, “I can’t be pretending I’m all smiles over the [Insta]gram, I am so upset and devastated and hurt”.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
It isn’t the first time Arg has criticised her figure. In 2012, it emerged that he had been mocking Gemma’s weight behind her back, prompting her to tell him, “I may not be a size 10 but I’ve a good heart”.
Last year, screenshots emerged of Arg telling Gemma, “You’ve got more rolls than Greggs”, and calling her a
“fat horrible lump”.
And Emma says that being in a relationship where someone is so critical can break a person down and impact their happiness
and self-esteem. “This kind of behaviour is emotional abuse – drilling down the other person’s confidence and insulting them, picking at their insecurities.
“Gemma seems confident – but it’s a mask, which she herself has admitted. The more Arg knocks down her confidence with jibes about her weight, the more unattractive and worthless she’ll feel. Over time, she may believe him and it can make it harder for her to walk away. That kind of self-loathing can break people down and affect all aspects of their lives.”
STATESIDE CAREER
Last week, Closer reported that Gemma – who is one of TOWIE’s biggest success stories with her own shop, reality show, book, podcast and fashion range – halted her music career this year to focus on her relationship and baby dreams. Producer Naughty Boy, 35, revealed the plug was pulled on a song collaboration with Gemma, saying the effort “has to come from her”.
Meanwhile, during a split from Arg last year, Gemma revealed she wanted to move to LA to break America, but after she reconciled with Arg, friends admitted she had put her Stateside career goals on hold so that she could try for a baby with him.
And Emma says that Gemma – who has previously said her “strong work ethic” is behind her success – needs to make sure she doesn’t miss opportunities while waiting for Arg to do the right thing. She says, “It’s natural for someone to put their career on hold for a baby, but you should only try to start a family with someone when you have a happy, stable relationship. This isn’t the case here – and Gemma may be turning down career opportunities for the sake of Arg.
“I think he needs intensive therapy to work on his issues. And I believe Gemma does too – she needs to build up enough self worth to realise that she doesn’t need Arg. If she’s so desperate to be a mother, I really believe she could do so on her own or waiting to find the right person - as that would be far better than having a baby in a toxic relationship.”
SHE NEEDS TO BUILD UP ENOUGH SELF-WORTH TO REALISE SHE DOESN’T NEED HIM