HOW TO COMFORT SOMEONE WHO’S HAVING A HARD TIME
Many of us have friends and family members going through emotional difficulties, but it can be challenging to know how to help them. Emma gives her suggestions to help start conversations
Now, more than ever, we should be checking in on how those closest to us are feeling, but it can be hard to know how to start a conversation. Saying, “I’ve noticed you seem quiet” opens a dialogue and shows that you care in one simple step.
PAY ATTENTION
Don’t let the fact you don’t know the answers stop you asking if someone’s OK. Life is confusing and conflicting for everyone right now, but reaching out to reassure a loved one that they matter automatically lessens their load. Ask openended questions to prompt an emotional conversation, so: “Tell me about what’s getting to you most right now?” When they open up, make it clear that you are paying close attention. You can do this non-verbally through eye-contact and by nodding your head, and verbally by using reassuring messages that coax out more challenging feelings. This works just as well on a video call as it does in person.
AVOID GIVING ADVICE
You may feel you should offer advice and guidance, but this can be counterproductive. There is nothing more frustrating than a friend telling you that everything will be OK as long as you do what they suggest. This can even lead to a shut down in communication. Instead, reassure them that you trust they will be able to find their way and that, until then, you will be beside them to help them navigate their challenges. Even if their problems don’t seem a big deal to you, don’t act as if they are being “silly”. Often, friends test the waters by trusting you with a small problem to see your reaction. If you take that seriously, they are more likely to reveal what is really troubling them.
DON’T BURDEN THEM
If you relate personally to their issues, avoid joining in with your own woes. This is understandable, but may add to their burden. Save that conversation for when you talk to them next. Remember – it’s not your job to come up with solutions to their problems, you don’t need to have the answers, but your support will make their journey that little bit less scary.