LEARN TO TUNE INTO YOUR EMOTIONS TO COPE BETTER

Many of us fly off the handle with partners or family members because we’re feeling stressed or sad. But Emma says that if we can learn to unpick our emotions, we can manage them

One of the main strategies I teach my clients is to use their emotions as prompts. We tend to class emotions as good or bad; the good should be celebrated and the bad avoided. But this isn’t a helpful way of managing feelings. If you see an emotion as “bad”, you are likely to reject or avoid it. This makes you more prone to use destructive coping mechanisms like alcohol, food, or arguments with your partner to deflect from it. That may give you a temporary reprieve, but will do nothing to solve the underlying cause.

BE MINDFUL

Learning to sit with your emotions is the first stage in learning to manage even the most troubling of times. By sitting mindfully with emotions, you are not trying to change them, but to change your relationship with them.

PAUSE BEFORE REACTING

If you’re sad, and it’s fuelled by loneliness, this tells you that you need to connect with others. If you’re angry, and it’s because you feel disrespected by someone, it’s a sign you need to set an appropriate boundary with this person. Whatever the feeling, there is typically an underlying need. By being willing to fully hear the message your emotions are trying to give you, you can process and resolve the problem, or at least soothe it. Spend some time daily to check in with yourself and write down how you feel. Should you feel triggered by a negative situation, and find yourself reaching for the Ben & Jerry’s, or about to lose your rag with your kids, pause for a moment and make a conscious effort to withdraw from your usual reaction. Then, sit quietly to tune into the way you feel and allow that to inform you of what to do next to move through it.

GROW RESILIENCE

The benefit of this type of emotionally literate response to navigating even the toughest of feelings and situations is that you always feel that you are learning and growing. It makes every single experience a resilience-building exercise, which in turn is fantastic for positive mental health and wellbeing. Try it.