“I ended my marriage – then spent £10k to become a mum”
When she realised her husband would never be ready to start a family, broody Katie Collier decided to take matters into her own hands to make her dream come true
Growing up in a big family, Katie Anne Collier had always dreamed that one day she would be surrounded by children of her own.
But years later, she realised that her husband would never be ready for them to start a family, so she made the brave decision to go it alone. She not only divorced her husband of six years, she went on to celebrate her newfound freedom by saving up to pay for fertility treatment, using a sperm donor.
COURAGE
Now, four years later, she is a proud single mum to baby Emmett. She says, “I always wanted to become a mum and was just waiting for my ex-husband to be ready. But eventually I realised that was never going to happen and that, if I really wanted kids, I was going to have to do it without him.
“I’m so glad I found the courage to finish my marriage. I celebrated my divorce by buying a sperm donor’s baby and I’ve never looked back! Having Emmett cost me over £10,000, but it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
He’s priceless.”
Katie, 35, always knew she wanted a family.
“Since I was a child I’ve wanted kids,” she says. “As the youngest of five, I grew up surrounded by family and I loved playing babies with my dolls.”
She met Bob* at college and they got married in 2012. Mental health therapist Katie hoped they would have a baby as they had discussed starting a family one day. But, sadly, their relationship became increasingly difficult.
She says, “I kept thinking that we’d discuss starting a family properly, but it never happened. I felt unsupported with everything – from my career, to help around the house and wanting children. We argued a lot and I knew it would be selfish to bring a child into that environment. But I kept hoping that if I waited a bit longer, it would happen.”
Eventually, after four years, Katie decided she needed to choose between her marriage and her longing for a child. And in October 2016, she made the difficult decision to file for divorce.
HUGE DECISION
She says, “Wanting a family drove me to divorce. I chose having a baby over my husband and my marriage, which was a huge decision – but one that I really think was right. I had to let him go, so that I could find happiness.
“He didn’t try to fight my decision, either. Afterwards, I was angry and full of grief – I never thought I’d be divorced by 31. But I felt a sense of freedom and relief too, like a dark cloud had been lifted.”
With her newfound independence, Katie soon started to think about trying for a baby on her own.
She explains, “My divorce made me feel empowered, and I realised I didn’t need a partner to become a mum. I did date, but felt that the men I was seeing weren’t as serious about starting a family as I was – and that was my ultimate goal and all I cared about.
“Plus, I’d already overcome so much, and deciding to have a child alone was a way of celebrating my independence. It also helped me regain a sense of hope – I was able to focus on my future, which helped me move on from my past. All my friends and family were behind my decision – it was great to be so supported.”
Katie started saving up for fertility treatment and, in 2018, she registered at a clinic near her home in Maryland, USA. She also contacted a sperm bank, and sifted through donor profiles to find a father for her unborn child.
She says, “It felt weird, but I asked myself whether I’d date each person. It was important to me that they were intelligent, with a sound medical history.
NERVOUS
“I chose a donor who had a PHD in biology and brown hair, like me, and was shown a photo of the donor as a baby. I was told he was 5ft 10, with hazel eyes.”
In May 2019, Katie attended the fertility clinic – but sadly the procedure didn’t work, and it took another three goes before she finally fell pregnant.
She says, “I was so upset when it failed, but then I reminded myself that women who conceive naturally rarely fall pregnant the first time.
Each time I went to the clinic, I felt so nervous, but my mum and dad supported me from the waiting room.”
Eventually, in November 2019, Katie took a positive pregnancy test.
She says, “I couldn’t believe it,
I was so excited. It had cost me £10,000 to get to this moment but it was worth every penny.
“Seeing the baby at my first scan felt magical. I was so curious to find out what he or she would look like and was thrilled when I discovered I was expecting a boy. I’d chat to my bump, and tell him about how he came to be.”
But although Katie’s friends and family rallied round to support her, she admits there were times when she missed having a partner.
She says, “There were moments of loneliness, especially when I reached milestones, like feeling the baby’s first kick. It would have been great to share that. But doing it alone also meant I got to decorate the nursery how I wanted, without any arguments! My dad helped put up the cot, and he painted the baby’s bedroom for me, too.”
LOW POINTS
On 14 July, Katie finally gave birth to baby Emmett at her local hospital, with her mum by her side.
“Mum helped deliver him,” she says. “When I held Emmett for the first time, it felt incredible. I couldn’t believe this tiny human had come from me!”
For the first two weeks, Katie’s mum and sister rallied round but, like most new mums, she admits there were low points.
She says, “It felt daunting at times, and at ten weeks it really hit me. I was only sleeping an hour a night, and I felt overwhelmed. But Mum supported me, and now she stays with us for two nights every week. Of course I’d like a partner to cook me dinner and take out the rubbish, but other than that I’m doing OK. Emmett gives me all the love that I need – I’m too exhausted to date anyway!
“One day I might try for a sibling for Emmett via a sperm donor, but for now he has six cousins who adore him. I’ll always be open about how he came to be, and when he’s 18 he can find out who his donor is.
“By ending my marriage and going alone, I took control. After all, on your deathbed, you want to look back at your life and have no regrets. And Emmett has made my dreams come true.”
DECIDING TO HAVE A CHILD ALONE WAS A WAY OF CELEBRATING MY INDEPENDENCE