Why this year’s ‘divorce month’ is set to be the worst ever
January traditionally sees a huge spike in post-Christmas splits. But add in the pressure of the pandemic and repeated lockdowns and the number of divorce enquiries has rocketed. Closer investigates…
This month, mum-of-two Mia Ingrams,
34, will receive her decree nisi, the first step towards officially ending her nine-year marriage to Julian, 41.
Her marriage is one of an estimated 150,000 that couldn’t weather the storm of the first lockdown last year.
One top UK law firm has seen enquiries about divorces rise by 40 per cent since last March. And between September and October, they rose by a staggering
122 per cent compared with the same period in 2019.
Taking into consideration the fact that, traditionally, enquiries about divorce peak after December – online searches for “I want a divorce” more than tripled in the first week of January 2020 compared with December 2019 – divorce lawyers are braced to be the busiest they’ve ever been.
Divorce coach Sara Davison explains, “Christmas and lockdown both provide the perfect storm for putting couples under pressure. You’re forced to spend a lot of time together, with fewer social distractions outside immediate family, and there are often financial worries and alcohol involved – all trigger points for rows.
“The pandemic’s burden is made all the heavier because of the uncertainty, with no end in sight. And there is the added stress of working from home, managing children’s homeschooling and their mental health, plus concerns about sick family members.
FINANCIAL WORRIES
“Money is one of the most common causes of marital strife and, over the last year,
people have had to contend with unemployment, being furloughed and taking home reduced pay. Decreased income increases strain due to conflicts on how to prioritise spending and the psychological impact of worrying how to make ends meet has really reduced relationship quality. I have also seen and spoken with many individuals facing mental health issues, which have impacted their relationship – with depression and anxiety disorders spiralling out of control.
GROWING APART
“Lockdown is unlikely to ruin a ‘perfect’ marriage, where both people are very happy – in fact, those couples might become closer through spending more time together. But I’ve seen a lot of ‘functioning marriages’ – which probably would have lasted – unravel. These people did a lot separately previously, such as socialising, work and hobbies, and being thrown together 24/7 has put too much of a strain on them.”
Mia, from Bristol, is in no doubt that lockdown was the final nail in the coffin for her marriage. She says, “We’d suffered a series of family bereavements over the last few years and that had taken a toll on our mental health. Looking back, I can see we were slowly growing apart, focusing on the children and not on our marriage. I assumed we’d get through it and things would be OK. I didn’t count on a pandemic coming along.”
As the country went into lockdown, sadly her husband Julian lost his job as a videographer with an adventure travel company. Meanwhile, Mia, an NHS 111 call handler, found herself busier than ever. She says, “We had the worry about finances without Julian’s income. He’d loved his job and struggled that his life had changed so much.
Suddenly he was at home all the time, taking on the boys’ education and the housework. Meanwhile, my work was stressful and exhausting. I also took on more overtime to earn extra cash. Our relationship fell to pieces pretty quickly.”
By May, just two months into lockdown, Mia was at breaking point. She was prescribed anti-depressants and made the difficult decision to not only leave her job but also to end her marriage. She moved out to stay with a friend while continuing to share care of the boys.
BREAK-UP
She explains, “Julian and I argued over anything and everything and I didn’t want the boys to witness that – it wasn’t good for any of us. Our marriage had been in trouble before we’d even heard of COVID-19, but we might have been able to come back from it. However, being forced together with all the stresses and strains made it unsustainable.”
Fortunately, their break-up has been amicable and they are sharing custody of the children. They regularly have dinner together and Julian even gets on with Mia’s new partner, Jon, 41.
Mia says, “We’ve both been determined to make the best of it. We were once deeply in love, but our absolute priority is the children and making sure they’re happy. Rows are unsettling for kids – I didn’t want them to witness any more of them. And they have coped really well with our split. In a way, perhaps lockdown did us a favour and made us address our issues so we could all move on and be happier.”