Closer (UK)

Closer’s dating expert, Rebecca Twomey, on re-matching with former flames and how in hindsight it’s best to swipe left


You know you’ve been single too long when you end up matching with people on apps you’ve already been on dates with. And that was the realisatio­n I had recently, that, and how I am running out of men to date.

While I wait to be taken off the singles market by the guy I’m seeing, I had a short stint swiping on Bumble. But all I got was a virtual haunting of past dates. If I’d have bumped into them in a bar (remember when we could visit those?) I probably would have said a brief hi and then carried on with my night, but in the app world it’s so very different. I suppose out of curiosity I swiped right on the former dates I re-matched with. One matched with me, then blocked me from WhatsApp, even though we didn’t even converse – nice. Another I messaged briefly, exchanging pleasantri­es before he unmatched with me when

I took longer to reply only to try adding me on various social media platforms. Makes no sense to me, either. Then worst of all, I had three dates with this one guy, albeit it four years ago, and I was intrigued to see if he remembered me.

No, he didn’t. It’s not the best feeling to witness the lack of impression I made, or, what I believe is more accurate, (humour me please) is that he’s been on so many dates we all blur into one.

I suppose there’s some comfort to take in how these guys, who things didn’t go anywhere with, appear to still be single too and are relying on apps, as am I. And also how there’s a large majority of us eternal singletons stuck on the dating loop, also facilitate­d by COVID and social distancing. But lesson learnt for me once again, if the date didn’t work out all those years ago, there’s even less chance of it going somewhere now – so my energy and enthusiasm should only go to the people present and available who really deserve it.

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