‘I’m focusing on living life to the full in her honour’
Rebecca Quinlan, 32, knew Nikki for 13 years and credits the TV star with helping her anorexia recovery. Rebecca, who lives in Chelmsford,
Essex, with her parents, works in admin for the NHS and campaigns to raise awareness about eating disorders, says, “When I heard about Nikki’s death, my heart broke. She was a beautiful, vibrant woman and my inspiration to recover while I was battling anorexia. I can’t put into words how much she’ll be missed. The world is a sadder place without her.
“My anorexia started when I was 13. I wanted to be a professional 400-metre hurdler and I thought if I was thinner, I’d be able to run faster. My mum kept a close eye on me and so it was only when I went to university in 2007 that I started restricting my eating severely.
SECTIONED
“Within a few months I could barely walk. My parents came to visit and took me home to see our GP and I was sent to hospital as my kidneys, liver and heart were failing. After several days in hospital, I was transferred to an eating disorder unit in London, with a BMI of 11.5. Within a week, I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and tube fed.
“For the next four years
I was in and out of hospital. Throughout, Nikki was my inspiration to survive. I’d loved her in Big Brother as she was so entertaining. When I realised she’d battled anorexia too, it made me believe that I could
also recover and live a full life.
“I read her autobiography time and time again. She’d been through so much, being hospitalised when she just eight, and yet she’d come out the other side.
“In 2008, when I’d been in hospital for a year, I was allowed out to a body positive event with guest speakers. Nikki was one of them and afterwards she spoke to me for an hour. Her mum was there too, and they were both so lovely. She was talking about a holiday she’d just been on and it made me realise that I also could do amazing things too if I recovered.
“We became friends on Facebook and she was always there for me, offering support. I met up with her a few times, the last being in 2017. By then, I’d been out of hospital for six years, under a community care order, which means I was being weighed twice weekly and if my BMI went below 14.5 I’d be hospitalised. It was then that I remember asking her if recovery is really worth it – and her reply has stuck with me. She said, ‘It’s so worth it, there’s a whole world out there and if you want it, you have to be brave and go for it, but it’s there for you.’
STRUGGLING
“When lockdown hit last year, it was tough. When you’ve got a mental health issue it’s normal to focus on something to look forward to – such as holidays and seeing friends. But suddenly I didn’t have that and everything was out of my control. I found myself reverting to my old patterns of starting to exercise more and obsessing over what I was eating. I was lucky it was picked up on quickly though, and I had my parents with me for support.
“I knew Nikki was struggling too. We would message often and would speak on the phone regularly, too. She told me how much she missed being able to go on holiday and see her friends. She said that she was really trying hard with her recovery, but it was so difficult with Covid restrictions.
“I am devastated that she lost her battle. She had so much to live for –
it’s such a cruel disease. Now I am focusing on living life to the full in her honour. I’m doing well at the moment and am eating and exercising sensibly.
“When I was struggling before, I always used to think, ‘What would Nikki do?’ Now that she’s gone, I tell myself,
‘I’m doing this for Nikki’, so she will continue to inspire me and others too. It’s her incredible legacy. She had such a positive impact on my life, and it makes me more determined than ever to stay well.”
● Follow Rebecca’s journey on her website bexquinlan.com