‘My husband knows that I sleep with other men’

Hayley Davis*, 36, works in event management and lives in Yorkshire with her husband, Steve*, 36, an engineer. Last month she admitted to him that she’d been having an affair – but rather than destroying her marriage, she says she’s never felt closer to her husband. They’ve acknowledged their problems and decided to try an open marriage.

She says, “I love Steve and we both want to stay married, but our relationship had become more like siblings.

“Three years ago I met a man through work and we had an emotional affair for four months. We didn’t have sex, but there was a real connection, lots of lingering looks and extremely flirtatious behaviour. I admitted it to Steve and ended it. He was really upset but I explained that it was because I felt taken for granted and our relationship had become more like brother and sister than lovers and I’d enjoyed the excitement. He promised to change, but didn’t.

“So, in February last year, I signed up with extra marital affairs website Ashley Madison and the third man I met I had sex with – it was amazing. When lockdown hit, we continued to exchange messages and met up whenever restrictions allowed us to.

“But I felt guilty and two weeks ago I confessed all to Steve. He was devastated, but it made us really talk for the first time in ages – and now we’ve decided to have an open relationship.

“A week ago we sat in the pub and wrote a list of rules – for example no bringing anyone back to the marital home, no emotional involvement and always practising safe sex. Already we feel closer because we’re really talking for the first time in years. We haven’t got children and financially we can afford to separate, but we really enjoy being together. We make each other laugh, have common goals, a good friendship circle and love each other’s families. We hope this will enable us to stay together.

“I am continuing my affair and Steve has signed up to a dating app. I don’t know how I will feel when Steve tells me he’s going out and I know he’s meeting another woman, but I think I’ll be OK with it and if not, we know we can talk about it.”