‘It’s OK not to feel OK’
After a roller-coaster few years – involving IVF, the birth of her two daughters and postnatal depression – singer Paloma Faith celebrates turning 40 this week. As she prepares for her upcoming tour, Closer takes a look at what she’s learned…
‘BEING A WORKING MUM MEANS SACRIFICE’
She’ll be touring with a baby this autumn, and Paloma freely admits that juggling kids with a busy career isn’t always easy. The singer is mum to two daughters aged four years and five months, whose names she has never revealed, and famously showed the challenges of being a mum in the music industry with her documentary, Paloma Faith: As I Am.
“I don’t understand why I can’t have everything,” she said. “If anyone can do it, it’s me. It’s that age-old decision between wanting to be the best mother you can be, but also be the best at your career, simultaneously. I think that involves a lot of sacrifice and a lot of women are doing it. There are parallels you can see between every woman who is working and has kids.”
‘USE YOUR VOICE’
Paloma often uses social media to raise awareness of issues like racism, women’s rights and the environment. Revealing that it was her mum who inspired her political views, she said, “I was raised to be politically aware. As a child, still in my pushchair, I was taken on every anti-Thatcher march going, practically every weekend. And my mum is a staunch feminist who brought me up with the confidence to have a voice, to believe it could count.”
‘ASK FOR HELP’
Paloma’s first daughter was born in 2016, after an emergency C-section, and she found motherhood “more difficult” than she’d anticipated. “I was disappointed I wasn’t able to be the mother I’d envisioned. I put myself under way too much pressure… I punished myself,” she said. In hindsight, she believes she had postnatal depression, yet still did a tour – but says she learned to ask for help. Paloma – who was brought up by her mum after her parents split when she was two – said during her second pregnancy, “I am going to be less of a martyr with my second child. I think, coming from a single-parent home, when I had my daughter I felt like I needed to do it all – but I will be asking for help this time. I don’t have to be that do-it-all person.”
‘I’M A FAN OF COUPLES’ THERAPY’
Paloma has been with French artist Leyman Lahcine for eight years, and reveals that weekly therapy is the secret to their successful relationship. Admitting she doesn’t hold her tongue in arguments, she said, “I bring everything up. But luckily we go to couples’ therapy, which I’m a big fan of, every week. So we talk about things in that.”
Paloma, who was previously married to chef Rian Haynes, added, “To remain with the person you love is difficult. It can be very dividing and not all relationships survive the first few years after having a child. We grow up watching romcoms and fairy tales and we hear lots about falling in love and out of love, but no one ever talks about the middle bit.”
‘The process
of being pregnant is
difficult’
‘IF YOU’RE FEELING INSECURE,
YOU’RE NOT ALONE’
Paloma looked fabulous when she performed on The Jonathan Ross Show while pregnant last year. However, she later spoke with refreshing candour about her struggles with her changing body. Posting a photo of her naked bump on Instagram, she revealed, “People said to me, ‘You are so body positive and confident’, but the truth is, I’m not! I can’t not promote my album. I love my job and what I do but, like a lot of the pregnant women commenting who are doing this at the same time, I find it hard to know how to dress. I don’t do pregnancy in a neat way and I am an emotional wreck. It’s hard to go on television and sing a song I love and wear a glittery catsuit (and have a cold sore due to being run down from overwork), but I just do it because I don’t feel the alternative is an option (hiding away and not doing what I love, which would send me mad). So to all the women out there who are feeling insecure about their bodies (pregnant or not) because of the pressure we put on ourselves or that society puts on us, you are not alone and it’s OK not to feel OK. We are who we are.”
‘I FEEL BETTER BEING OPEN’
While Paloma kept her first pregnancy private, she was much more candid about the “hormonal roller coaster” she experienced with her second daughter. She endured six rounds of IVF before conceiving last year, and kept fans updated about everything from her anxieties over her pregnancy to her struggles with breastfeeding. Speaking about her decision to be more open second time round, she admitted it helped her. “This time I’ve been feeling better because I’ve been open about it,” she said. “I also do it because other women need to hear those things. The process of being pregnant itself is difficult.”
● Tickets for Paloma’s new tour are available at palomafaith.com