WORK OUT WHY YOU CAN’T SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’

Those three little words can feel like the hardest thing to say. Here’s what it means if you feel unable – and what to do about it

Telling someone that you love them if you are secretly unsure isn’t fair on them – or you – just as if someone says they love you and you don’t feel the same. These moments can feel excruciating and awful, but it doesn’t have to ruin the early days of your relationship, nor does it mean that you won’t be on the same page in the long run. It’s actually common, as two people’s complex emotions rarely align in the same moment. Ignoring what they said, or muttering thank you and changing the subject, will make your partner feel embarrassed and undervalued and could damage your relationship, so respond with honesty and gratitude. Acknowledge that you appreciate them sharing where they are emotionally, as it takes courage, and explain that you are happy in the relationship, but that you are not ready to take the “love” leap just yet. Make it clear you truly value your life together, and that when you do say those words, you will mean them. If you find it impossible to tell someone you love them, this is likely down to feeling afraid that you’ll be left vulnerable. You may find that writing “I love you” in a card or on a Post-it note is less scary. You could also agree that when they say, “I love you” you’ll respond with, “I feel the same.” It makes clear how you feel while easing you into sharing your partner’s sentiments. But if hearing those three words makes you realise that you are in a different place emotionally, it may be time to reassess your relationship. It is always hard to break up, but it means you are no longer wasting their time or yours.