HOW TO RAISE A HAPPY INTROVERTED CHILD

You may be frustrated when you child clings to your legs at drop-off, or doesn’t seem to want to invite many friends over to play, but beware of projecting your needs on them

Every child is born with an individual temperament, so some will be loud, confident and extrovert, where others will be quiet, sensitive and introverted. If your child is the latter, you may sometimes feel frustrated. You may wonder why they appear nervous at parties or anxious at the idea of attending the local fireworks display, while your other kids exude excitement.

UNDERSTAND THEM

Recent neuroscience research may help to explain why your child reacts this way. Introverts have a lower threshold of dopamine sensitivity than extroverts, so social situations can be very stimulating for introverts, triggering a dopamine overload, resulting in them wishing to withdraw. Extroverts on the other hand have a higher tolerance for dopamine, so the same, or even a higher level of dopamine, will stimulate and enliven them. It’s why introverted children require compassion and understanding, as opposed to frustration and impatience.

LET THEM BE UNIQUE

They are not choosing to be awkward or clingy, they are simply overwhelmed due to this chemical reaction in their brain. Some kids like their own company, and they tend to have a small friendship group with which they are entirely satisfied. As a parent, you may believe that they are struggling to engage with their peers or, even worse, lonely. On occasion you may be correct, but more often than not, you are probably projecting what you believe makes a happy childhood on to your child, instead of recognising that they are satisfied with their world.

TALK REGULARLY

Rather than worrying, keep the lines of communication open to keep a check on how they are feeling. If they are content, accept that their ideal world looks different to yours. Sometimes, a more introverted child wants to try new things but feels scared. Build their confidence by planning how the activity will play out. Rehearsing it reduces their anxiety. I always advise parents of introverted and sensitive children to focus on the many positives of being blessed with such a child. They are often very creative, deeply loyal, and are not easily led astray. Concentrating on these gifts will be a far better use of your parenting energy and will help to foster confidence in any shy child.

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