“We never fully closed the door on it”

Shash­wat Sa­hay, 29, is an ar­chi­tect from York­shire

Cosmopolitan (UK) - - Lust -

My friend was in a tu­mul­tuous re­la­tion­ship – he and his girl­friend would in­vite me out, then go home early to ar­gue or have sex. But one time his part­ner in­vited Alex, so when they left, she and I stayed out. I couldn’t be­lieve how well we got on – she was funny, laid-back and re­ally at­trac­tive. I got her num­ber that night and tried to ar­range a date, but she was too busy. There was another chance meet­ing after that – the same friends dis­ap­peared early from the pub and Alex and I stayed out. We kissed for the first time that night, then went out for a drink the next week­end. I had never got on with some­one so eas­ily. I loved spend­ing time with her. We started see­ing a lot of each other, and got close quickly, which may ex­plain, in part, the rea­son for our split: we lost the ro­mance.

Six months into our re­la­tion­ship, I said ‘I love you’ to Alex at a friend’s wedding. She might have been about to say it back, but my mum in­ter­rupted right at the cru­cial mo­ment. About a month later, Alex said she loved me, too.

I re­alised the spark had gone after a year: it felt like we were co­hab­it­ing. A few weeks later, she broke it off. I was down, but I knew some­thing had to change. We didn’t want it to be­come a habit – we wanted to re­ally choose to be to­gether.

The date felt like how it was when we were first to­gether – it was ro­man­tic. I didn’t try to kiss her, though the thought def­i­nitely ran through my mind. But I don’t think I ever would have, given our his­tory. It’s not sim­ple any more; there’s a lot at­tached to this.

Would you like to be re­united with your first love? Email us at first.love@cos­mopoli­tan.co.uk

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