THE ARK CRUISE

What is it? A five-day jaunt from Barcelona to the Balearics on a boat with 4,000 shipmates. Who’s the crowd? Ibiza babes meet The Inbetweeners on tour. What you will see: Bikinis, platform rave shoes…

What you won’t see: Your mum and dad in their glad rags, off to the cruise cabaret.

High points: Partying isn’t limited to the boat. Stop off at Mallorca, Ibiza and Sète. Disaster potential: Swimwear fails, especially on the on-board climbing wall.

Comfort factor: Luxury bunks, room service and roller-skating waiters. What the organisers might say: “If the moment takes you, you can get married on-board at our wedding chapel…” 30 Aug-3 Sept; 3-7 Sept; Theark.cruises