MESSED UP? How failing can make you more employable
When you’re mountaineering the career ladder, it’s the tough bits that teach you the most, says Farrah Storr
When people look back on their careers, they tend to forget the gnarly bits. They put every failure, every total bomb-out and every caustic bollocking along the way in a box, never to be retrieved again. That means that when they’re asked for advice, they tend to give the same clichéd answers: “Fake it till you make it!” “Only do what makes you happy!” “Never look back!”
I followed that advice for years. I walked into rooms pretending I knew what I was doing, only to fall flat on my proverbial when I got caught out. I called time prematurely on far too many jobs because the happiness simply faded away. And rarely, if ever, did I turn around to see both the successes and messes I’d left behind as I moved forward with my career. It was a big mistake.
Because here is what I know to be unequivocally true: it’s the stuff that feels tough which offers the biggest opportunities for growth. It’s those times when you feel like you’re struggling that true change is taking place. It’s those jobs that are characterised by meaningful challenge rather than constant happiness that you will look back on as the ones that made all the difference. And don’t just take my word for it. I’ve interviewed dot-com millionaires, gold medalwinning athletes and world-famous performers throughout my career, and they all agree.
So if I were to give real advice to someone, the stuff that I know really works, I wouldn’t say fake it till you make it. I certainly wouldn’t say make happiness the defining trait for what makes a great job. And I would never, ever tell you not to look back. The most important thing you can do for your career – and your life – is to step out of your comfort zone and into your discomfort zone. Not sure how? Let me explain…
There are two types of failure in this world. There is “dumb failure”, which is the sort that shouldn’t happen but does because of carelessness/laziness/bloodymindedness. And then there is “smart failure”, which happens as a consequence of trying something bold and new. This is the sort to value. If you’re a forward thinker (and believe me, every boss wants one of those) then in order to test a new idea/business/project, there’s a high chance you might fail along the way. That’s OK – that’s good even! Coke Zero, Coca-Cola’s most profitable soft drink, only came about because of the mistake that came before it – namely a drink called Coca-Cola C2, aimed at men, which came with half the calories and carbohydrates of regular Coke. It was a $50 million flop because they realised after dissecting their colossal mistake that men didn’t care about carbohydrates, they just wanted zero calories like women. Duh! Had Coca-Cola not stepped into their discomfort zone and examined exactly why they failed with Coca-Cola C2, they may never have launched the huge success that is now Coke Zero.
TOUGH TACTIC: Never walk past a mistake. Stop. Analyse it. Ask why it happened again and again. (I tend to do this five times.) Don’t blame anyone and don’t be hard on yourself. Instead, know that in order to be successful, you also have to know how to be successful at failing.
KEEP YOUR FANS CLOSE AND YOUR CRITICS CLOSER
For most of my career I didn’t ask for feedback. I convinced myself that I was waiting for feedback as an excuse not to seek it out. But people rarely volunteer feedback for the same reasons we don’t ask for it. It’s scary and is as hard to give as it is to take. That means people can spend their entire lives thinking that because no one told them they were bad at their job, they weren’t! I used to think I was organised until I almost got sacked from my first job for basically being the Tasmanian devil of admin. Which is why “caring critics” are essential – someone who knows how you work but who also has your best interests at heart, because feedback from the wrong person can be just as deadly as no feedback at all. Put a regular time in with them. Keep it short (there’s nothing like hours of critical feedback to kill the human spirit), keep it regular and keep it specific. There’s no use saying “I’d like some feedback on my leadership style” because it’s too vague. Instead, pinpoint the very thing you fear.“Am I too aggressive when…” for example.
TOUGH TACTIC: Make yourself available for feedback. Smile when you’re given it. Say thank you. Nod. Put the other person at ease because it will mean them stepping into their discomfort zone to give it just as much as you will having to hear it.
FEAR IS JUST EXCITEMENT IN A HALLOWEEN COSTUME
I’ve had a lot of people in my life tell me, “If something makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t do it. Life’s too short.” But I say life’s too short not to get intimate with those very feelings that scare you most. Am I a masochist? No. I’m a pragmatist. Life is filled with things that will frighten you. Avoiding them will only back you into a corner of comfort, a place in which stagnation truly begins. If you want to move forward in the world, you’re going to have to get cosy with discomfort. The good news is that fear and challenge feel eerily similar. A beating heart, sweaty palms, a stomach that feels like it’s been macraméd? This is what happens when you’re excited, too. So how do you convert fear into excitement? You tell yourself you’re one thing and not the other. And how does your body respond? It goes into what scientists call a “challenge state” where your lungs and blood vessels dilate – the benefit of which is more oxygen flowing to your brain, meaning you can think sharper and smarter.
TOUGH TACTIC: The only way to pull the handbrake on fear is to convert it into something else. Nervous? Tell yourself you feel “excited”. Studies show simply saying this switches your brain into a “challenge” mindset. Translation: you can kick ass!
CREATIVE LEAPS ARE BORN OF CREATIVE LIMITS
Before I edited Cosmopolitan, I launched a magazine with two members of staff, a minuscule budget and a six-week deadline in which to build the thing. Oh, and a target to sell 100,000 copies from issue one. We were faced with constraints at every turn – time, money and resources. And yet, because of those constraints, we started to think and behave differently. Because we couldn’t afford well-known writers, we uncovered fresh new voices instead. Because we didn’t have time to conduct flashy photo shoots, we experimented with striking concept imagery in its place instead. (Like the time we had to do a feature on breast health and photographed my assistant’s knees from above with the pale pink toe caps of her shoes peeking out from beneath. Use your imagination.) The magazine went on to be a success because of its creative and bold new approach to women’s magazines. But could we have done it without constraints? The answer, I believe, is no. Because constraints force you to think differently. They require you to rely more on instinct and less on rational thought, which can blunt truly creative thinking.
TOUGH TACTIC: Create artificial constraint. Shorten the deadline for a project by two weeks. Reduce your team size by half. (The Impressionist painters used to limit themselves to short brush strokes and certain colours to create the mind-blowing canvases they produced.) Taking out just one resource will force you to think bigger, bolder and more creatively.
FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY, NOT IN THE GOAL
Here’s the problem with seeking out a job or career that only brings you joy. Joy, like success, is not a constant. It is a fleeting moment you work your way towards. You don’t get handed a “happy” job. Happiness comes as a by-product of finding meaningful work. So you have to enjoy the journey there. Most journeys are not easy. For the most part, they are made up of hard “grinding” work. But “grind” is good because it suggests movement. It hints at change. And change gives you the satisfying feeling that you are moving forward towards your goal in life. It is quite different to “slog”, which is hard but also desperate because you never have the feeling you’re moving anywhere. Seeing this magazine on newsstands at the end of the month brings me happiness for a few minutes. But what I really love are the ups and downs of creating each issue. The feeling of being stretched and of moving forward.
TOUGH TACTIC: Know the difference between slog and grind. Keep a diary where you list the 10 things that you are finding “challenging”. If, after a few weeks, the same things are still challenging, then you are in a slog and it’s time to get out. If that lists keeps changing, and the things that were once challenging are now not easy, exactly, but better, then you’re in the grind. Accept this is a wonderful place to be and happiness will soon follow.
The Discomfort Zone by Farrah Storr (Piatkus, £13.99; out now) Have you ever found or forced yourself into your #discomfortzone? If so, what happened? Share your story with me @farrahstorr on Instagram and win a signed copy of my book.