“IS THREE RELATIONSHIPS TOO MANY?”

This month, our polyamory columnist flirts with the idea of adding another partner to proceedings

My wife, Lucy,* has suggested I get another girlfriend. This is something of a surprise since we are still happily married… and I already have a girlfriend. Welcome to the unconventional world of polyamory.

Lucy is trying to address an imbalance in our set-up. She sees her boyfriend, Max,* twice a week. He lives nearby, works from home and, though non-monogamous, currently doesn’t have another relationship. Meanwhile, my girlfriend, Nell,* lives an hour away, is often away on business, and has her own primary partner. All this means I can’t see her for another two weeks.

“You should find someone local,” says Lucy, encouraging me to fire up Tinder again. With love life, work and family already making me feel stretched thin – not to mention broke – I’m not entirely convinced. But as Lucy organises yet another date with Max I can’t help but feel, if not exactly jealous – Max is great, and the kids love him – then certainly lonely and like I’m not getting as much out of polyamory as I should be.

Scoring a match on Tinder who is not only open to non-monogamy but also lives within 15 miles involves hours of swiping. But eventually I match with Zoe.* She has a pretty smile and her profile says she’s “looking for a sub”. Having recently explored domination in the bedroom with Nell, it seems like it might now be fun to indulge my submissive side. She also reveals that she’s a part-time escort and wants to “test” her techniques on me, free of charge.

On paper it sounds like the perfect way to fit a third relationship into my life: an experienced escort just around the corner, ready to indulge in no-strings-attached fun, for free. Nevertheless, I’m apprehensive about arranging a meeting. I’ve never met anyone purely for sex before and I’m also wary of telling Nell, sensing she won’t be thrilled with the idea. At first she isn’t, but says it’s my choice, and is much happier when I promise that any liaisons with Zoe will only take place when I can’t see her. Lucy, meanwhile, remains fully supportive, and it feels like an opportunity that if I didn’t take, I’d come to regret.

Days later, I find myself driving to Zoe’s flat. Only, within a few minutes of meeting her, I realise I don’t fancy her. Had we met in any other situation, sex would definitely not be on the agenda. However, I feel it would be rude to back out after coming this far, and reason that as I’m in the hands of a professional, surely this will still be a sensual experience. Following instructions, I quickly find myself naked and blindfolded on Zoe’s floor, with my wrists cuffed to the legs of her sofa. She wants to try “edging”, where she uses her hands and mouth to keep me on the edge of ecstasy until she chooses to finish the job. Only it doesn’t quite work out like that. After half an hour, it becomes clear that trains aren’t running to the point-ofno-return today, and instead I’m on a replacement bus service. I think of Nell, I think of Lucy, but no amount of creative fantasy can get me back on track. In the end I have to finish the job myself. I get dressed and, after a brief chat, beat a hasty retreat. It’s a relief to be back in my car, relatively unscathed. While polyamory opens up new possibilities, just because you can do something, doesn’t always mean you should…

The Polyamory Diaries

chronicles one man’s reluctant journey into polyamory in order to save his marriage. Read the previous instalments at Cosmopolitan. com/uk/polyamory-diaries