WORST DATES EVER

Chickenshop dinners: not for us, actually

My bag had moved when I returned from the bathroom. The next day, payments totalling £1,100 left my account. He’d taken photos of my cards and gone on a gigantic online spree. MEGAN, 25

After booking us a table for dinner, my date mentioned he was bringing his dad. Who was French. And didn’t speak English. He was visiting and my date “felt bad leaving him at home”. ALI, 34

We went back to his place to get food delivered. Big mistake: the windows were covered in brown tape and he presented me with a pint of water, a packet of Quavers and a chocolate bar “as a starter” while we waited. KAYLEIGH, 22

HALFWAY THROUGH OUR SECOND DRINK, HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS HOBBIES: DRESSING UP IN A LATEX GIMP SUIT, GOING TO FETISH CLUBS AND PARTAKING IN A “FELLATIO HUMAN CENTIPEDE”. HE ALSO PROUDLY SHOWED ME SNAPS OF HIM IN SAID OUTFIT. I’M PRETTY OPEN-MINDED BUT THAT WAS A STEP TOO FAR. KAT, 34

HE WENT IN FOR A KISS, BUT I SWERVED HIM. HIS RESPONSE? DOWNING HIS DRINK AND SAYING, “JUST GOING TO THE TOILET,” THEN WALKING OUT OF THE BAR, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. ELLEN,* 30

He took me to his favourite restaurant, which he said did “amazing chicken”. It turned out to be a run-down takeaway shop, where my date proudly informed the man behind the counter that he was “treating me” (despite asking me to pay the £3.20 for a bucket of grease myself). SELIN, 22

My date brought gifts: a Kinder Surprise, and a stress ball – telling me, “You’ll need this by the end.” He wasn’t wrong. He drove us around for hours while talking about himself and shouting “Boats!” when we saw any. CHERELLE, 26

A neurosurgeon took me to Pizza Express on a two-for-one voucher, then asked to split the bill. Later, he said, “Am I coming up, then?” LISA, 27

After two dates, he posted a photo of himself at a wedding with the caption: “When you tell all your friends you’ll be the next to get married!” DONNA,* 32

✱ Got a dating nightmare to share? Email worstdatesever@cosmopolitan.co.uk